


Feel For You

by Ellie603



Series: Soulmates [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Soulmates, college professor au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-04-23 00:02:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14319990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellie603/pseuds/Ellie603
Summary: Phil Coulson is a history professor at Shield College, and while he loves his job, his friends, and his students, he knows something is missing: Phil hasn’t felt anything from his soulmate in years. But really, he’d settle for befriending the emotionless and intriguing new historian Dr. Melinda May… who he soon finds out is much more than she appears.Soulmates can feel each other’s emotions if they are powerful enough or if one soulmate wants the other one to feel something, but one soulmate can stop the other soulmate from feeling his or her emotions.





	1. Apathy

**Author's Note:**

> I've been sitting on the first few chapters of this for weeks now, and after last night's episode (!!!!!!!) I figured I'd finally get this first part up.
> 
> I wanted to write another multi-chapter Philinda AU, and I eventually settled into this cross between a Soulmate AU and a College Professor AU, based in my love of Soulmate fics and my appreciation for History Professor Coulson. 
> 
> I really hope you all like it!!

By any measure, Phil Coulson’s life was rather ordinary. He was only child who had nearly always gotten along well with his parents. He had excelled in school, gotten his PhD, and been hired as a history professor, all without any serious incident. Phil wasn’t one for making lists of life goals or charting out ten-year plans, but if he had been, he would have been right on track for all of it. Except for one thing.

Phil Coulson hadn’t felt any emotion from his soulmate in almost 8 years.

The first time he noticed his soulmate’s feelings, Phil had been a child. He’d been having a wonderful day at the park with his parents when suddenly he felt horribly sad. His parents had sat him down on a bench and told him how everyone has a soulmate and how each soulmate can feel his or her soulmate’s emotions if their emotions are strong enough or if they want their soulmate to feel them. Phil’s parents helped him figure out how to block his emotions from going to his soulmate, and they told him that he could send emotions to his soulmate too if he ever wanted to (“Like if you can feel that she’s sad, you can send her some happy to make her feel better,” Phil’s mom had told him with a smile as though she was describing something as simple as the weather to young Phil). 

“Just remember that sometimes you won’t have any control over which emotions your soulmate feels from you,” Phil’s dad had said, more seriously that he had been before. “Some emotions are just too powerful to stop.” 

Phil had nodded solemnly, but he was only 7; he hadn’t really understood. 

Still, Phil’s parents had made Phil a little wary of sharing his emotions, so he mostly kept them to himself unless something big happened. He couldn’t stop his joy when his parents got him a golden retriever puppy when he was in middle school, and he couldn’t stop his sadness when his grandfather died just before Phil went off to college. It was all highs and lows; he just hoped his soulmate didn’t mind. 

And his soulmate didn’t seem to, since she acted similarly, sending feelings of happiness or sadness sporadically, but also occasionally anger, which was strange for Phil who had never really been angry enough for his soulmate to feel it. Phil got along well with his parents, and he didn’t have siblings to fight with. He was easy-going and well liked at school, smart and just really into history. It seemed his soulmate had a lot more frustrations than he did. 

By the time he was in grad school, Phil didn’t feel much from his soulmate, just bits of happiness or sadness or something he thought was homesickness from time to time. Every time he went somewhere new, he hoped he’d happen upon his soulmate, but he knew these things took time and all he could do was continue along normally, hoping that they’d find each other someday.

But one night in December of Phil’s last year of grad school, with little more than a few drafts of his dissertation standing between him and a PhD, his whole world fell apart. Or, more accurately, his soulmate’s world fell apart.

He had been writing in his apartment, up later than he’d wanted to be, but needing to finish the section he was working on, when suddenly he felt abject terror, a deep fear that coursed through his entire body. He felt like he’d been punched in the stomach, and doubled-over, he’d felt a helplessness, a need to save… something. Phil couldn’t feel any details, but he could almost hear his soulmate’s heart screaming in his ears. But then the terror was lessened and in its place was pain and heartbreak ten times worse than the fear. Something was lost. Or maybe someone was lost, and his soulmate was breaking apart. 

But then all of it dissipated, leaving behind only a faint noise in the back of his mind like music playing from another room. Phil was able to sit up and breathe. He’d never felt anything like that before. Not from his soulmate, and certainly not himself. 

Phil had been tired before whatever happened to his soulmate, but now he was wide awake. He couldn’t focus on what he was writing, so he flipped on the TV, just needing to calm down. There was nothing he could do; he didn’t even know what had happened. 

A few hours later, after Phil had dozed off and woken back up a few times, always haunted by the dull ache in the back of his mind, suddenly, though much more gradually than the last time, Phil had felt grief and regret and pain creep back into his mind before fully emerging worse even than the pain Phil had felt earlier in the night. Something so horrible had happened to his soulmate. She had lost someone, and as far as Phil could tell, she thought it was her fault. 

Phil took a few deep breaths to calm himself, trying to focus on something other than the screaming pain in his mind. He needed to help his soulmate. That was the whole point of soulmates, so his parents had told him on that day in the park all those years ago; soulmates could share terrible burdens and help each other through dark times, feeling for each other so one soulmate didn’t have to feel alone. Phil had never purposefully sent emotions to his soulmate before, but he knew he needed to now, so he concentrated on pushing all the comfort and sympathy and support he could toward his soulmate, wherever she was, just hoping it would be enough. 

The screaming in his head lessened for a moment, but was quickly replaced by confusion. 

Phil tried harder. She needed to know that he was here, that he wanted to help her. 

The pain dulled again, but then, without warning, he couldn’t feel anything from her at all. 

Phil and his soulmate blocked emotions from each other all the time, but this was different. When before blocked emotions merely needed to clear small barriers to reach their respective soulmates, Phil felt as though he’d been walled off. His soulmate had shut him out completely in a way far more permanent than he had ever felt before. He couldn’t feel anything from her anymore. And he had a sinking feeling that this change might be permanent. 

Phil hadn’t slept at all that night. All he could think of was the pain his soulmate was surely still feeling and how she had rejected his offer of help. 

Phil had thought of her often in the months and even years after that moment. He sent her comfort or reassurance or happiness from time to time and blocked the emotions he sent to her less, so she would consider sending him her feelings again, but it never happened. 

So Phil moved on. He blocked out most things unless he couldn’t help it, but he never received anything in return, and honestly he didn’t have a lot of time to think about his soulmate anymore; he was just too busy.

* * *

Phil Coulson glanced around the corner next to his office in the Shield College History building and found the corridor deserted. Every office door was closed, and there were no signs of life anywhere. 

Phil sighed and went back to locking up his own office. It had been a long shot to assume that Dr. May would be around. For one thing, classes and even freshman orientation wouldn’t start for another week, so a lot of professors weren’t around campus yet, and for another, Dr. May hadn’t been in her office any time he’d looked for her in the past few weeks. 

He knew she was in town since he’d seen the light on in her office one evening when he was on campus late for a meeting (her office used to belong to Phil’s friend and colleague Lance Hunter, a 19thand 20thcentury British historian, so Phil knew exactly which windows belonged to her), but there hadn’t been any sign of her since. He’d just have to track her down at the History departmental meeting at the end of the week. 

Phil had been teaching 20thcentury American History at Shield College for 7 years, and he loved it. The school was fairly small, so he had been able to get to know all of his colleagues well, and he even knew many of the history students personally. 

But since the semester was still over a week away, Phil had been putting in as much time as possible with his current book project focused on immigrants in America during World War II and the Cold War. Phil often found himself turning over the realities of American xenophobia in his head, but, other than that, he’d been really enjoying the work, though there were certainly some areas of his research that he was more familiar with than others. Which was where Dr. May came in. 

The department had recently hired Dr. Melinda May as a professor of East Asian history, China in particular, with one research emphasis in Chinese immigration to America in the 19thand 20thcenturies. Phil hadn’t gotten much of a chance to speak with her during the department dinner when they had interviewed her, though the lecture she had given as part of her interview had been one of the best Phil had ever heard. He knew that she would be an amazing resource for his book, (and he wanted to ask her to guest lecture in one of his classes in a month or so), but that meant he had to actually find her and speak to her first, a task which was proving unexpectedly difficult. 

“Phil!” a voice called out to him from the opposite direction of Dr. May’s office. 

“Hey Elena!” Phil replied with a smile as he walked down to meet his colleague Elena Rodriguez, a 19thcentury American historian who’d been at Shield almost as long as he had. 

“You tracked down Dr. May yet?” Elena asked him, Phil having told Hunter and Elena about his mission to talk to the new professor the previous week. 

Phil shook his head. “Nope, haven’t seen her.” 

Elena frowned slightly. “That’s odd. Her office is already all set up. Hunter had to go in and grab some stuff he left behind yesterday, and he said she even has all her bookcases filled.” 

“Either she’s coming in at night, or she’s really quiet.” Phil laughed and gestured to the stairs. “You heading home?” 

“Nah, I’m going to meet Mack,” Elena replied with a small smile as she began to walk downstairs, Phil following beside her. Mack was Dr. Mackenzie, Engineering professor and Elena’s soulmate and recent fiancée. Phil was good friends with the couple and had been nearly as excited as Elena when Mack proposed. 

“Dammit!” A voice Phil knew well came from just down the stairwell. 

“You okay, Hunter?” Phil asked as he stopped at the landing for the 2ndfloor. 

“No, I’m bloody well not!” Hunter’s voice complained back. 

Phil exchanged amused glances with Elena, and they approached Hunter’s new office and found their friend half buried under a pile of books. 

“What happened here?” Elena asked, hiding her laughter much better than Phil who was trying to snap a photo, an unashamed grin across his face.

“I stuck a box of books up on that shelf to deal with later, but then they came crashing down because this bookcase is rubbish.” Hunter shoved some books angrily off of himself and onto the floor. “I miss my old office!” 

Elena rolled her eyes and started to help pull books off of Hunter. “Don’t be a baby,” she admonished him. “You’re lucky to get a bigger office; your old one was a shoebox, and you complained about it _constantly_.”

“Well the shoebox never tried to kill me,” Hunter grumbled. 

Phil reached out a hand to help Hunter up. 

“What’s going on guys?” a blonde woman asked from the doorway looking just as amused as Phil. 

“My new office is attacking me, Bob!” Hunter whined as he tripped over the pile of books to reach his girlfriend, a biology professor that Hunter had discovered was his soulmate not long after he was hired a couple years previously. The pair were always fighting about something (they’d even found out that they were soulmates mid-argument), but being soulmates made it easier for them to make up, so it worked (even if it left Phil, Elena, and Mack having to deal with a steady undercurrent of bickering through after-work drinks and brunches nearly every week).

Bobbi laughed and kissed Hunter in greeting, nodding at Phil and Elena. 

“Why don’t I help you with this tomorrow, Hunter?” Bobbi suggested, ushering Hunter out of his office.

Hunter grinned sheepishly and led the way out of his office. 

Phil covertly flashed the picture he’d taken of Hunter in a pile of books at Bobbi who grinned before following her boyfriend back into the hallway. 

The group separated outside, Elena off to the engineering building to find Mack, Bobbi and Hunter heading into town for dinner, and Phil walking to his car alone to head home. 

Phil loved his research and teaching, and he had some great colleagues at Shield, but it was times like this that he wished he had someone himself. He missed Audrey… or someone like Audrey. 

Phil and Audrey had dated for a few years during grad school, but they both knew it was never going to work out. They weren’t soulmates, and no matter how nice it was to have someone to bounce ideas off of and spend time with, it was never quite right. Now she was working out on the West Coast, and she still exchanged emails with Phil about research from time to time, but that wasn’t much help. 

And even with his great friends at Shield, Phil was alone. 

He tried to hold out hope that maybe his soulmate would lift her ban on emotions and somehow appear in his life, but that was looking less and less likely all the time. It had been more than seven years… Phil wasn’t sure what hope he still had.


	2. Possibility

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the kind words about the first part of this! It means so much that you guys are liking it so far!!
> 
> The soulmate part of this AU is going to take a little bit of a backseat for a couple chapters, but it'll all come together by the end :)
> 
> Enjoy!!

The rest of the week passed for Phil in a blur of research and last minute syllabus changes, ending with the first History Department meeting of the year. 

Dr. Victoria Hand, department head and Medieval historian, had a long list of items on the agenda, but Phil was only half paying attention. This was first time he’d seen Dr. Melinda May since the department interviewed her months ago, and he was curious. 

She was sitting on the other side of the conference table, eyes on the paper agenda in front of her, almost making a point not to speak to anyone. Her face was expressionless. Phil would have expected nervousness or excitement or _something_ , but she just stared at the paper in front of her, eyes guarded as though she was a spy in an interrogation rather than a professor meeting with the rest of her department. 

Phil wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. He thought back to his own first department meeting at Shield during which he’d made a point to introduce himself to each other professor and also supplied a few suggestions for changes to departmental policy. Maybe Dr. May was just shy; the whole department _was_ kind of intimidating all together. 

But when Victoria briefly introduced Dr. May a few items into the meeting, Dr. May barely glanced around to acknowledge anyone, and she didn’t even break a smile. 

It wasn’t quite like she was being unfriendly; she just didn’t seem particularly interested in the greetings and well wishes of her new colleagues. 

Phil and Hunter exchanged confused glances. 

The meeting dragged on, and eventually the department broke into a lengthy discussion about new course requirements for students, with Phil as a very active participant, since he was one of the professors who dealt most with students. Dr. May, however, seemed almost annoyed at the conversation.

Phil didn’t understand it. Dr. May could have just been having a bad day, but that didn’t seem quite right. There was something else going on, and, for whatever reason, Phil felt almost drawn to figure out the mystery of Dr. May. 

Eventually Victoria wrapped up the meeting, and Phil immediately turned to get Dr. May’s attention, but she was already headed out the door. 

“Doesn’t seem like Dr. May’s one for chitchat,” Hunter remarked under his breath. 

Phil gave his friend a half smile and then followed Dr. May’s path away from the meeting rather than stick around and catch up with the colleagues that he hadn’t seen all summer, as he usually would have done. 

Dr. May’s office door was still mercifully open when Phil arrived at their hallway. He took a deep breath as he cautiously approached the door and gave a tentative knock. 

“Yes?” 

Phil poked his head around the doorframe and found Dr. May standing at her bookcase with her bag open on her desk beside her, clearly about to head home for the day.

Phil smiled to himself thinking of how much Hunter missed the bookcases in this office. 

“Sorry the office is so small,” Phil said conversationally. “Hunter used to complain about it all the time, but now he says his new office is trying to kill him, so maybe you just can’t win with him.” 

Phil flashed Dr. May a grin, which she didn’t return. 

“Did you need something, Dr. Coulson?” Dr. May asked, staring at him. 

“Uh…” Phil had been planning on asking her about his research, but he had a feeling she might not be too excited to help him in light of her complete lack of enthusiasm for interacting with people at all so far. So he decided to go with a different request instead. “I was wondering if you would be willing to do a guest lecture in my American history intro course in a few weeks,” Phil asked, much more business-like than he ever was with his colleagues (except for Dr. Vaughn who was so old that Phil, Hunter, and Elena couldn’t believe was still alive and teaching about the Civil War; Dr. May, in contrast, was about Phil’s age or maybe a little younger, which made this interaction feel even more odd for Phil). 

Dr. May considered him for a moment. “I’m assuming you want me to talk about immigration?” she asked. 

Phil nodded quickly. “I know that it’s your area of expertise. I’m a lot more comfortable in the 20thcentury.” 

Phil swore he almost saw Dr. May smile at that. 

She stared at him for a few more seconds before nodding. “Okay. Just email me the date and time, and I’ll put it on my calendar.” 

Phil broke into a smile. “Sounds good! Thanks so much, Dr. May.” 

She nodded at him in response, seeming perhaps just slightly less hostile to him than she had been before. 

“I’ll see you around then, I’m just down the hall,” Phil said as he moved out of the office. “Good luck with your classes!” 

She didn’t smile back, but now that he’d actually spoken with her, Phil felt like he’d overcome an obstacle, the first step to figuring out Dr. May. Perhaps someday he _could_ get her advice on a passage or two of his book. 

The semester formally began in its usual flurry of business. Hunter appeared at Phil’s office frantically twice within the first day of students being back on campus with questions about administrative issues he was having with his new freshman advisees (Phil and Bobbi were both very entertained by the idea of Hunter having to mentor little 18-year-olds when he acted like a child himself). 

Phil’s classes started off well; he’d taught everything before so there were thankfully no surprises, just the typical pack of freshman in his intro class and a whole gang of history majors he already knew in his upper level seminar. He did almost immediately find himself swamped with things that he probably should have done over the summer, while Elena, as usual, had gotten all of her work done more quickly than anyone. Hunter, perpetually behind on everything, gave his standard accusation that Elena possessed super-human speed, to which Elena laughed and bragged about her upcoming date night with Mack. 

The first week of classes was well underway when Phil heard a familiar voice at his door. 

“You said that even if I didn’t have class with you this semester, I’d still see you all the time,” the voice complained. 

Phil stood up to grin at the student leaning on the doorway. 

“Great to see you too, Daisy,” he said cheerfully. “And it’s your fault if you haven’t seen me, you know where my office is.” 

Phil had been particularly excited for classes to start this year because one of his advisees, Daisy Johnson, a History/Computer Science double major, was working on a senior project designing software for and creating an interactive database of a collection of Cold War-era comic books in the college’s archives. Phil had been something of a comic book nerd as a kid, but since his area of study in grad school had been American culture connected to World War II and the Cold War, Daisy’s project was of immense academic interest to him, even beyond his own nerdiness.

Daisy herself had been a source of pride and consistent entertainment to Phil throughout her time at Shield. Phil had been able to have her in class at least once every year so far, and he had grown to look forward to their conversations, whether they were about Cold War-era America or current events or even just Daisy complaining about typical college student problems. She was hardworking and energetic, and Phil felt like a mentor to his young advisee. She’d also helped him through more than one computer emergency, so he always joked to her that he kept her around for her computer skills. 

But this semester, Daisy hadn’t managed to find her way into any of Phil’s classes, which they’d both been kind of sad about, but she’d at least promised to take one last Cold War class with him in the spring. And of course he was still an advisor for her senior project. 

“The two times I’ve come by here, you haven’t been in your office,” Daisy countered, sitting down in the chair in front of his desk, tossing her backpack on the floor as she had done many times before. “So that’s on you.”

Coulson laughed good-naturedly and sat back down. “Sorry, Daisy. It won’t happen again.” 

Daisy grinned at him. “You have a good summer?” she asked brightly. 

“I did,” Coulson replied with a smile. “I got a lot done, and I hope the same was true for you.”

Daisy shrugged. “I did a bit. The website won’t be too much longer.” 

Phil knew Daisy was downplaying her accomplishments. She’d been in touch a couple times over the summer, and she’d already put in a lot of work on her project, even though her senior year had barely started.

“That’s great, Daisy,” he replied supportively. “I can’t wait to see how it turns out.” 

The conversation eventually turned to Daisy’s summer internship in an archive back in her hometown, and Phil also made sure to ask about her grandparents, as he had done regularly since Daisy’s grandfather had had a health scare during her second year at Shield. Daisy had appeared in Phil’s office after class, almost in tears, the day her grandfather had ended up in the hospital, and Phil had tried to calm her down as she explained to him in short breaths that her grandparents had been taking care of her since her parents died when she was a little kid and that she didn’t know what she would do if something happened to her grandfather. Thankfully everything had turned out okay, but Phil still always asked about them, just to be sure. 

Eventually Phil got around to asking Daisy about her classes, which led to several minutes of Daisy talking about CompSci work that made Phil’s head spin just hearing about it. But finally Daisy moved on to the history class she was taking that semester. 

“Professor May is amazing,” Daisy said, unprompted. “I’ve only had her for two days, but it’s already easily one of my favorite classes, like ever.” 

“Really?” Phil knew Dr. May was supposed to be a good lecturer who was extremely knowledgeable in her subject area, but after her less-than-friendly interactions with him and the rest of the department at the faculty meeting, he hadn’t anticipated her connecting all that much with her students. 

Daisy nodded immediately. “She’s so cool. I kind of want to be her when I grow up.” 

Phil raised his eyebrows at that. 

“You can just tell that she really knows what she’s talking about,” Daisy continued animatedly, “and she really _really_ cares about it. But she also cares about us.” Daisy smiled slightly to herself. “You can just kind of tell that she’s happy to be there. Not that she smiles all that much,” she amended quickly with a grin of her own. 

“So she does actually smile?” Phil asked in spite of himself. 

Daisy laughed. “Yeah, not a lot, but whenever someone makes a good point in class or whenever we’re talking about something she’s really into she does a bit. It kind of makes you want to work harder so she’ll like you.” 

“Should I stop smiling so you’ll work harder for me?” Phil asked almost sarcastically. 

Daisy snorted. “You’re way too much of a softie for that, Coulson, come on.” 

Daisy did have a point. Phil wasn’t sure he knew how _not_ to smile at someone, especially his students. 

“Have you talked to Professor May at all?” Daisy asked casually. 

Phil shrugged noncommittally. “She’s guest lecturing in one of my classes in a few weeks, but we haven’t talked other than setting that up.”

Daisy narrowed her eyes at him for a moment as though sizing him up. “I think you guys would be friends.” 

Phil blinked at Daisy. Certainly he’d been intrigued by Dr. May over the last week, but he’d had no indication that they could ever be friends. As far as he knew, Dr. May had hardly said a word to another faculty member since arriving in the history department. 

“What makes you say that?” Phil asked diplomatically, not wanting to speak ill of a colleague, especially since he didn’t technically know Dr. May well at all yet. 

Daisy shrugged and sat back in her chair. “She’s quiet and you’re friendly, you know, opposites attract and all that. I just have a feeling that you guys would get along.” 

Phil smiled to humor his advisee. “We’ll see, Daisy.” 

Certainly he was curious about Dr. May’s quiet demeanor, especially now that he’d heard she was amazing as a professor, but even if Phil wanted to be friends with her, the odds that Dr. May wanted anything to do with his outgoing personality seemed slim.

Over the next few weeks, Phil saw Dr. May from time to time, but she made no effort to speak to him. Phil always greeted her with a smile if he saw her in the faculty room, where she would always be standing alone heating up food or making tea, never engaging in conversation with anyone else, but she only ever acknowledged him with a nod or, once or twice, a “Hello, Dr. Coulson.” Nothing any less formal than that. 

But still he tried. He felt like he needed to. Maybe it was that he wanted to talk about her research or maybe it was what Daisy had said… or maybe it was something even more than that. He just couldn’t get this nearly silent professor out of his head. 

The only time he heard her speak for longer than three words, he was heading into the faculty room when he heard Dr. May’s voice inside saying that she liked Shield so far. 

Phil stopped outside to listen, not wanting to interrupt her conversation. 

“I hope the rest of the faculty has made a good impression on you.” Victoria replied in the faculty room. 

“For the most part,” Dr. May replied. “I haven’t had the opportunity to speak with too many of them yet. Mostly just that one chatty Americanist.” 

Dr. May’s words were so even that Phil couldn’t tell if his being “chatty” was good or bad. Phil couldn’t see how he could have bothered her. The only words he ever said to her were “hello,” but she had been in the faculty room when Phil had conversed with some of their other colleagues, so maybe that was annoying? Or maybe she was just teasing him? 

He really couldn’t tell. 

Victoria laughed good-naturedly. “Yes, Phil’s always one for conversation. He’s a real asset to the department, and all the students really like him.” 

Dr. May hummed in response, ending the conversation. 

Phil waited half a minute, still trying to figure out what Dr. May had meant in calling him “chatty,” and then he walked into the room as though he hadn’t heard everything from outside the door. 

He exchanged easy pleasantries with Victoria, but then turned his attention to Dr. May. 

“And how are you, Dr. May?” he asked conversationally. 

Melinda raised her eyebrows slightly, but he could see something almost like amusement in her features. “I’m fine, thank you,” she said in her same even tone. She picked up her mug of tea, nodded at him, and left the room. 

Perhaps being “chatty” wasn’t such a bad thing after all. 

“You should just ask her about your book,” Hunter said exasperatedly at a bar after classes in response to Phil’s account of his most recent encounter with Dr. May. “It’s better than you listening around corners and trying to figure out if she likes you.” 

Elena laughed from where she sat next to Mack across from them in the booth. “It does sound a little bit like high school, Phil.” 

“Hey, he’s trying to get to know her,” Mack argued on Phil’s behalf. “It doesn’t seem like she has a lot of friends around here, so I think it’s good that Phil wants to be polite about things before he asks about research.” 

“It’s not all about research,” Phil interjected without thinking. 

The group looked over at him. 

Bobbi raised her eyebrows from the other side of Hunter. “Then what is it about?” 

Phil shrugged, not really sure what he could say. “I don’t know. She’s… there’s something about her. Daisy said she thought we’d get along.” 

Elena and Hunter exchanged glances. 

“But you both are so different,” Elena said hesitantly. 

Phil shrugged again. “Apparently Dr. May’s not like that in class. I’ll find out for myself soon enough.” 

Hunter shook his head hopelessly, but that was the end of the discussion. 

A few days later, Phil found himself in his office working later than his colleagues. Phil liked the atmosphere on campus, the potential for running into friends or for students to drop by to ask questions, and there wasn’t exactly anything all that pressing back home. He didn’t have plans to see any of his friends that night, and he had just spoken to his parents the night before, promising them that he could come and visit them when the students had a short break in a week or two. 

Despite all this, Phil still wished that he wouldn’t find himself alone in this history building quite so often. He loved his work, but he wanted someone to really share it with. 

Phil looked up from the book he was reading and sighed, turning to stare out his window to clear his head. 

Phil’s office looked out onto the small pond that was a prominent feature of campus. There were some benches and picnic tables scattered at its shore that were often populated by students during class time, but in the evening, the kids were off eating in the dining hall or studying or engaging in typical college student shenanigans, so the tables usually stood deserted. 

But that night, Phil noticed a figure at one of the picnic tables, silhouetted by the sunset. Phil couldn’t see much more than an outline, but he felt almost immediately sure that the figure was Dr. May. 

Phil decided that this was as good a time as any to stop working, so he packed up his things and left his office, passing Dr. May’s empty one on his way out. The pond wasn’t necessarily on Phil’s walk back to his car, but he justified it to himself saying that it was a beautiful night to look at the sunset, which just so happened to be right behind the pond. Never mind the woman sitting in front of it. 

As he approached the water his suspicion was confirmed: it was Dr. May working out here alone, reading through papers by the dying light. 

In a moment, Phil felt even more sure that he should be trying to befriend Melinda. If she was still here doing work alone at this hour, maybe she was alone too. Maybe she needed a friend, a person, as badly as he did. Not that Dr. May was going to be anything even like Audrey – Phil doubted he’d ever find anyone as great as Audrey until he met his actual soulmate – but he finally understood what Daisy had been getting at. He and Dr. May might really understand each other. At any rate, it was worth a try. 

Phil had the sudden urge to call out to her, to go join her even, but he stopped himself. Even if Dr. May actually didn’t mind him, he didn’t want to push too hard. Not yet.


	3. Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the lovely comments on this story; they really mean the world to me. 
> 
> We finally get some good Phil/Melinda interaction in this one, and there's only more of that from here :)
> 
> Enjoy!

The next week, Dr. May met Phil in a first floor classroom before his intro class.

“Thank you for doing this,” Phil said by way of greeting. “They’re a good group, lots of freshmen, and we might get a few history majors out of the bunch.”

Dr. May said nothing as she got her PowerPoint set up, but there was almost a smile on her lips.

As usual, the first students to arrive were two of the small handful of seniors taking the class to fulfill a humanities requirement, Leo Fitz and Jemma Simmons, the former going exclusively by Fitz and the pair together referred to collectively as “Fitzsimmons” by anyone involved in the sciences, according to Daisy. Fitz and Jemma were two of Daisy’s closest friends, so Phil had already known a bit about them before this class, but hearing about their brilliance was different than Phil actually experiencing it in class. They were certainly not historians, but they remembered everything and had better critical thinking skills than nearly any students he had ever encountered before.

“Hello, Professor Coulson!” Jemma’s voice said brightly setting her things down at her desk in the front row, Fitz taking the seat beside her and greeting Phil with a nod.

Dr. May looked up at the students.

“Oh you must be Professor May!” Jemma exclaimed, moving forward to the desk where Dr. May was standing. “Daisy’s told us so much about you. We were so excited to hear that we’d get to have a lecture from you for a class. I’m Jemma Simmons, and this is Fitz. I’m Biochem, he’s engineering, but we needed a humanities credit, so we’re here.” She smiled brightly.

Phil expected Dr. May to be annoyed with Jemma’s little introduction, to dismiss her with a nod and go back to what she was doing, but instead, Dr. May looked over at Jemma and actually smiled.

Phil’s eyes widened. He’d never seen Dr. May smile before. It somehow made her look both like a completely different person and exactly like herself, a version of herself that Phil had only seen through clouded windows or behind thickly veiled glass. This Dr. May was open, not entirely, but much more so than Phil had ever seen her. She seemed lighter somehow, as though she had been stuck somewhere uncomfortable and was finally able to relax. 

“It’s nice to meet you both,” Dr. May said softly to Jemma, adding an additional small smile to Fitz. “Daisy’s such a wonderful student, though she does have some… colorful… ways of putting things.”

Phil hid his face behind his hand to hide his amusement, as Jemma and Fitz burst out laughing. 

“She really does,” Jemma replied affectionately. “But that’s the point of university, isn’t it? To talk critically about things you wouldn’t talk about elsewhere, even if you aren’t using the most, er, conventional language.”

Dr. May nodded. “I agree. Spoken almost like a historian.” She smiled at Jemma again and turned back to her slideshow, as Jemma returned to her seat, beaming.

“You okay, Professor Coulson?” Fitz’s voice broke through Phil’s thoughts.

He had been staring, wide-eyed at Dr. May throughout her exchange with Jemma. That smile… And she had been _joking_ with a student? This Dr. May was approachable and personable and entirely at odds with the woman Phil had been interacting with for the past few weeks. He couldn’t wrap his head around it.

“Yeah, just thinking for a moment there, Fitz,” Phil tried to cover himself, trying to focus on greeting the rest of the students that were now filing into the classroom. He wondered briefly if Dr. May had noticed his surprise, but when Phil glanced back at her, she was focused on her computer, only looking up now and then to take note of the students entering the classroom.

When all the students had arrived, Phil gave a quick introduction to Dr. May focusing on her expertise in Chinese immigration to the United States, and then he gestured for her to take over: finally his chance to see Dr. May in action.

Daisy had told him Dr. May was a great professor, and he’d seen her give an excellent lecture before, but this… Phil had never seen anything quite like this.

Dr. May captured the attention of the entire class effortlessly. She spoke evenly as she always did, but there was a spark of excitement in her eyes that shown brighter and brighter the longer she talked. Even the most boring statistic became fascinating as Dr. May explained it, and the first-hand accounts peppered throughout the lecture were positively riveting. She was in her element in a way that Phil had certainly never seen from her, and if he was being honest, he’d never seen any other professor so easily take control of a classroom while also seeming so comfortable in front of the students.

The more vocal students asked questions and were rewarded with small smiles that somehow meant so much, and Phil found himself wishing that one of those smiles would eventually come his way, just as Daisy had said the students in her class felt. Dr. May even found a way to coax the quieter students into participating in class, something that Phil had barely been able to accomplish in almost a month.

People always talked about having a “calling” to teach, which Phil had always agreed with to an extent, but now he knew that it was absolutely true. There could be nothing else in the world that Dr. May was born to do more than this.

Phil had always considered himself a decent professor. He was knowledgeable and approachable, and he consistently received good student evaluations, but this was on a different level. By the end of class, Phil felt like he was a few minutes away from quitting his job so he could just listen to lectures given by Dr. Melinda May for the rest of his life. This was history at its finest, and it was a privilege just to witness it.

As class ended, several students, including Jemma with Fitz in tow, approached Dr. May with questions about the lecture, her research, and her course offerings for the next semester, all of which Dr. May answered in the same even tone with bright eyes, punctuated by rare smiles.

When the students finally left, Phil approached Dr. May, for once entirely lost for words.

“Dr. May,” Phil said, staring at her almost in awe, “I don’t know what to say.”

Dr. May looked up at him, her expression indiscernible. “Is something wrong?”

Phil shook his head quickly. “No, no, not at all. That was… That was the best lecture I have ever seen in my life. And this wasn’t even your class.”

And finally, Dr. May graced Phil with a small smile.

Phil felt his breath catch in his throat.

“Thank you, Dr. Coulson,” Dr. May replied. “That’s very kind of you to say.”

“It’s Phil,” he said without thinking. “I, uh, you can just call me Phil.”

Dr. May considered him for a moment. “Okay, Phil. I’m Melinda then.”

Phil’s face spread into a smile. “Well, Melinda, I can honestly say that I have never seen anything like that. Daisy said you were amazing, but that was…” Phil trailed off, unable to express how impressed he was.

Melinda shook her head. “It’s just part of the job.”

Phil put a hand on her arm impulsively, and she looked up at him, surprise evident on her face.

“This was more than just for the job.”

Melinda stared at him, neither one of them breaking eye contact.

Finally Phil removed his hand and shook his head slightly. “I mean, have you ever seen one of Dr. Vaughn’s lectures?” Phil added to lighten the mood. “He puts whole classes to sleep, and he still has tenure.”

Melinda actually laughed at that.

Phil beamed at her automatically. Her laugh was nice, almost comforting, and it had the same effect as her smile. She seemed lighter and freer in the moment, as though she was normally weighed down by something heavy.

With Melinda happy, Phil decided that he could maybe press her a little further.

“So what’s this about me being _chatty_?” he asked pointedly.

The corner of Melinda’s mouth flicked upward. “I thought you were in the hallway to hear that. I didn’t mean it as a insult, if you were worried.”

“I was a little bit, actually,” Phil admitted. “Normally people like me, but every so often someone finds my personality grating.”

Melinda had turned away from him to get her things, but Phil could have sworn that she had smiled wider at that.

When she replied, however, her voice was just as even as it usually was. “I don’t mind. You’re nice.”

Phil smiled to himself and then decided to probe further into the mystery of Dr. Melinda May. “So why are you so different with the students from how you are with the rest of the department?” 

When Melinda turned back to him her expression was more guarded than he it had been before, though it was certainly more open than usual. “I like teaching. I’m good at it, and it matters. That’s different from talking about department regulations and scheduling conflicts. That stuff doesn’t mean anything.”

“But professors can learn from each other,” Phil argued back thoughtfully as he leaned back against a desk. “And you could still be a good professor and not be social with the kids.”

Melinda shook her head. “No point in teaching if the students don’t feel like they can ask questions.”

“And what if _you_ had questions?”

Melinda looked sidewise at him. “I can ask you, then.”

Phil had to grin at that, even though it barely qualified as an answer.

Melinda left the classroom, and Phil followed, starting to head toward the door to go grab coffee at the campus café to get him through his afternoon work.

She turned to him as they separated. “I have to go up and prep for my afternoon class, but I’ll see you around, right?” She seemed suddenly hesitant, the confidence she showed in her lecture dimming for a moment.

Phil nodded immediately with another smile. “Yeah, of course, I’m just around the corner after all. And thank you, again, for class. It was… It was just amazing.”

Melinda gave him a very small smile and walked up the steps to her office, leaving Phil staring after her feeling suddenly very excited. This was more than Phil had hoped for. It seemed Daisy was right after all; he and Melinda _were_ going to be friends.

That evening as he was leaving his office, he noticed a familiar figure down by the pond. Again, he detoured to pass by on his way to his car, but this time he decided to take the risk.

“Melinda!” he called out.

Melinda looked up at her bench about thirty feet from the path.

“Hi Phil,” she replied, sounding not at all unhappy to see him.

Phil took that as an invitation to approach her. “What are you up to?”

“Paper proposals,” Melinda replied, holding up the one she was working on. “Just a couple left to go through.”

Phil nodded. “I hope you’re not planning on staying out here too much longer though, the sun’s going down.”

Melinda stared at him for a moment but then sighed. “I guess you’re right. Daisy might not like it if I try to make comments in the dark.”

Phil laughed. “No, she would not.”

Melinda looked up at him, almost curious. “So how’d you get so close with Daisy?”

Phil shrugged nonchalantly, trying to cover up his excitement at the fact that Melinda had actually asked him a question about his life instead of Phil having to fish for information from her. “Daisy was in one of my intro classes her first semester,” he explained, “and she ended up in my office freaking out about her first college paper within the first two weeks of class. Apparently she liked whatever advice I gave her, because she just sort of stuck around, and here we are three years later.” He grinned at the thought of his advisee.

Melinda offered him the smallest of smiles and began to pack up her things. 

“You heading to the garage?” Phil asked, trying not to sound too over-eager.

Melinda nodded and pulled her bag over her shoulder, beginning to walk back toward the path without another word.

The pair walked in silence for a moment before Phil finally spoke.

“I’ve actually been meaning to ask you something,” he said, having determined that now was as good a time as any for this.

Melinda looked up at him, eyebrows raised.

“So, my next book project is on immigration during World War II and the Cold War,” he began but Melinda interrupted me.

“Trying to use me for my research, Phil?” she said, her face its usual emotionless mask.

“No, no,” Phil quickly tried to placate her. “I just was wondering if I could run some ideas by you for when I’m talking about East Asian issues, since it’s a little outside my wheelhouse and I know you know more about this stuff than I do and…” He trailed off when he noticed that Melinda’s façade had slipped slightly showing some amusement in her eyes.

“Oh, you were joking,” he said as he realized what had happened.

Melinda nodded, actually smiling at him now. “Yeah, Phil. I was joking.” She shook her head, still smiling. “There’s something about your face; you never hide any of your emotions. You’re an open book.”

“Well showing emotion isn’t a bad thing,” Phil replied indignantly.

Melinda immediately turned away from him, the walls Phil had knocked down that afternoon building themselves back up in an instant.

“I’m sorry,” Phil apologized immediately. “I didn’t mean anything by that.”

“It’s okay,” Melinda said softly after a moment. “You’re right.”

Phil wasn’t sure what to say, so the pair finished their walk to the garage in silence.

When they had to split up to go to their own cars, Melinda finally spoke.

“I’d be happy to help you with your book, Phil,” she said, her voice back to its usual even, emotionless tone.

Phil offered her a small smile. “Thank you, Melinda. And thank you for class today. I know I keep saying it, but I really am so impressed.”

With the smallest of smiles on her lips and the ghost of excitement in her eyes, Melinda turned away from Phil.

He didn’t know exactly why, but that little smile made Phil feel suddenly very hopeful about something, though he wasn’t quite sure what exactly. 

But that little bit of hope was so strong that his soulmate felt it too.


	4. Excitement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the lovely comments on this fic! I'm so so glad you all are liking it so far; it's really so great to hear :)
> 
> This chapter was weirdly long and disjointed when I wrote it, so I decided to break it into two, so this fic's going to have nine chapters now instead of eight. 
> 
> But this one's all Phil/Melinda friendship, and I hope you guys like it!
> 
> Enjoy!

And from that day on, Melinda and Phil were friends, or Phil called them friends and Melinda didn’t argue with him. 

They ran into each other in the faculty room the morning after they had walked together to the parking garage, and instead of just a usual greeting, Phil asked Melinda about the paper proposals she had been reading through the night before. She had replied that most of them seemed really well thought out and that she was pleased, but Phil could see that small spark of excitement behind her eyes even if it didn’t quite appear in her voice. 

Melinda in turn asked about his seminar class, and Phil had to stop himself from smiling too widely at the fact that he was having an actual conversation with Melinda like he would have with any other professor.

Phil found Melinda in the faculty room again the next morning too, around the same time, and soon their chats over coffee (or tea, Melinda’s preference) before either of them had to teach class quickly became routine. They usually sat together (Phil having insisted Melinda actually sit down to talk on their third morning meeting up together) in the faculty room, but if Phil was ever early, he would grab his coffee and Melinda’s tea and bring them up to Melinda’s office so they could talk there instead. 

Phil had been nervous the first time he decided to eschew their routine and enter Melinda’s personal space, but when he nudged open her half-closed door, holding out Melinda’s usual mug of tea as a peace offering, Melinda had graced him with that small smile that Phil knew meant she was pleased in her quiet way. The sight of it had brought a smile to Phil’s face in turn, which only grew wider when Melinda gestured for Phil to take the seat across from her desk. 

But of course, as he was getting to know Melinda better, his friends had taken notice. 

Usually Phil and Melinda were in the faculty room at a time when few, if any, of their colleagues were around, but about a week into their new routine, they were interrupted by an argument between Hunter and Elena who were coming in to get coffee. 

“I’m just asking if you’d go to the meeting for me, since you’re already done with your departmental paperwork, and I’m not,” Hunter’s voice pleaded out in the hallway. 

“And whose fault is that, Hunter?” Elena’s voice replied, in an exasperated tone that Phil knew well. 

“I mean technically it’s Bobbi’s fault, but-” Hunter stopped as he turned to see Phil and Melinda sitting together at one of the small tables, mugs between them and Phil’s phone opened to a short article he had wanted to get Melinda’s opinion on. 

“Hello,” Hunter said slowly, looking from Phil to Melinda and back again, confused. 

Elena seemed similarly unnerved, but she recovered much more quickly and was able to compose her features into a passable smile. “How are you guys?” 

“Doing well, Elena,” Phil replied unassumingly as Melinda nodded beside him. “And whatever Hunter’s trying to get you to do, I know for a fact that he spent about 2 hours napping in his office yesterday, so don’t let him guilt you into anything.” 

Melinda ducked her head slightly to hide a small laugh, which made Phil smile widely. 

When he looked up at his other friends, he was met with raised eyebrows from Elena and a bewildered looking Hunter who mouthed “what?” at Phil before Elena jabbed him in the ribs. 

Phil rolled his eyes at his friends’ childishness. 

“See you guys later,” he said pointedly. 

Elena nodded at him and moved to the counter to get a cup of coffee, pushing Hunter along with her. 

Phil resumed the point he’d been making about the article he and Melinda were discussing, but Melinda didn’t speak more than a few words until Elena and Hunter had left. 

“So your friends think I don’t know how to laugh?” Melinda finally said, raising her eyebrows at Phil. 

Phil looked sheepish. “I mean, in their defense, it _was_ a little jarring for me the first time I saw you smile. You put on a good show of not showing emotions to anyone.” 

Melinda shrugged slightly. “It’s easier not too.” 

Phil narrowed his eyes, confused as to how emotions would make something more difficult, but Melinda didn’t elaborate, and Phil decided not to press her on it. They’d only been friends for a week, and he didn’t want to jeopardize that. 

But Phil hadn’t gotten himself out of his friends’ questions that easily. 

The group had barely sat down for dinner that night when Hunter and Elena began interrogating him. 

“So you and Dr. May are friends now?” Hunter asked, looking almost as shocked as he had when he’d seen Phil and Melinda together in the faculty room. 

Phil shrugged noncommittally. “I don’t know if she’d put it that way, but we meet up to talk before class every morning. She has a lot of really interesting ideas.” 

“She smiles and _laughs_ now?” Elena asked incredulously. “I didn’t think that was possible.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “She’s a human being, so _yes_ she has actual emotions.” 

“Doesn’t usually seem like it,” Hunter muttered under his breath. 

“You guys just need to get to know her,” Phil continued. “Melinda’s really great.” 

“Oh, she’s Melinda now?” Bobbi teased, she and Mack much less surprised by the apparent change in Dr. May’s demeanor since they hadn’t really known her at all beforehand. 

“Why don’t you invite her to dinner sometime?” Mack asked hesitantly. “Then maybe Hunter would shut up.” 

“Hey, your fiancée is just as bad as me!” Hunter argued back before the group devolved into its usual good-natured arguing, and the topic of Melinda was left behind. 

But Phil still did think about what Mack had suggested. He knew Melinda didn’t love socializing, but as far as he knew she didn’t have a lot of friends in town (she certainly hadn’t mentioned any at least, not that that meant anything; Melinda didn’t mention a lot of things), and maybe it would be fun. 

At least it would be nice to have someone to talk to whenever Mack and Elena and Hunter and Bobbi paired off. He decided to think about it; his friends certainly weren’t going to let it go, so he’d have to at least try to entertain the idea. 

And he _was_ making progress in his blossoming friendship with Melinda. 

One morning in particular, poorly organized construction on Phil’s road to work had made him nearly an hour late getting to campus, and a full half hour late for meeting Melinda, all on top of reading responses that Phil knew he had to look over before class. When he finally made it up the two flights of stairs to his office, he found his door unlocked and standing slightly open. Phil entered the room cautiously, but it was empty, the only addition being his favorite mug, filled with coffee, steaming on a coaster in the center of his desk. 

Phil tossed his bag and jacket on a chair and immediately turned the corner to the office next door, its door also standing barely open, waiting, Phil knew, for him. 

He knocked lightly and entered even before he received a response. 

Melinda looked up from her computer, her own mug of tea next to her mouse pad. 

“Thanks, Melinda,” Phil said with a sigh and a smile, relaxing for the first time since he had realized that he was going to be late. 

Melinda nodded in return. “Of course, Phil.” 

“I have reading responses to get through in the next-” he glanced at his watch “-twenty minutes before class, yikes. Do you, maybe, want to grab lunch later?” Phil looked up hesitantlyat Melinda, knowing that this was something knew, something different. Colleagues caught up over coffee in the faculty room, but lunch was heading decidedly toward “friends” territory. 

Melinda looked at him for a moment, and then smiled. “Yeah, sure. Meet here after your class?” 

Phil nodded, a wide smile on his face. “Sounds good.”

And as he quickly read through his student’s short responses before class, that little smile of Melinda’s was always in the back of his mind. 

They grabbed lunch at the campus café and took it down by the pond to the picnic table that Phil thought of as Melinda’s, Phil making observations about the beautiful late-October day while Melinda just smiled slightly in response. 

They started talking about Phil’s book, and he was thrilled to discover that Melinda was not only interested but excited (or as excited as Melinda ever was, he assumed) to be able to offer some of her own expertise. 

Phil talked more than Melinda, to the point that he thought he might be annoying her, but Melinda always listened and replied to his ideas and offered increasingly less rare smiles.

But when Phil asked specific questions about anything related to Chinese immigration, or any other topic that Melinda was interested in, she would go into what Phil (to himself) called “teacher-mode” where she’d give a mini version of a classroom lecture, her eyes sparkling as she was able to do what she loved most and did best. Phil learned so much from her every time she spoke, and after just a few lunches he knew he had more than enough information for his book, not that he’d ever ask Melinda to stop. He loved listening to her and discussing things with her just as much as she loved teaching.

After one of these almost-lectures at lunch several weeks after they had become friends, Phil started laughing. 

Melinda looked taken aback at his reaction, and she narrowed her eyes at him.

“Sorry, sorry,” Phil apologized quickly. “You’re just such a great teacher, whether or not you’re talking to students.” 

Melinda rolled her eyes, but Phil could have sworn she was blushing, if Melinda were capable of such a thing. 

“How did you get so good at it?” Phil asked curiously. 

Phil hadn’t expected Melinda to give many details about her life in response to his question, but he certainly hadn’t anticipated the shadow that passed over Melinda’s features at his words. She closed her eyes for a moment and when she opened them again, her face was completely guarded, the impenetrable gates that Phil had been slowly opening slammed shut in an instant. 

“I taught elementary school in China for a few years before I went to grad school,” Melinda answered finally, her words even as they always were, but all excitement gone from behind her clouded eyes. 

Phil opened his mouth to say something – to ask her if she was okay, to make a joke about how elementary school didn’t seem like good practice for college kids, to compliment her again on her teaching – but it all seemed wrong. So he closed his mouth and said nothing. 

It was almost a week later before he brought up Melinda’s pre-grad school career again. They were both correcting student papers at their table (Melinda hardly ever sat there by herself anymore, so Phil felt justified in calling it “theirs”), and they had quietly agreedto take a break, so Phil had been asking Melinda questions about how she decided to structure lectures and other finer points of teaching that he knew Melinda was better at than he was. 

“So how does teaching elementary school translate to teaching undergraduates?” Phil asked, trying to keep his question as light as possible. “I’ve heard of professors teaching high school for a few years, but elementary school to college has to be a big jump.” 

As with the last time Melinda’s past as an elementary school teacher had been brought up, she seemed uncomfortable or even upset for a brief moment, but she took a breath and returned to normal, though she seemed more subdued than before. 

“It gives you more patience,” Melinda said finally. “And you learn how to explain things in ways that make kids stay interested. It’s not the same, but it’s more similar than you’d think.” 

Phil nodded. “I guess I could see that. But I’m assuming you smiled more at your little kids, right?” He flashed her a teasing smile. 

But Melinda didn’t smile back. Instead she turned back to the stack of papers in front of her. Break time was over. 

But as Phil returned to his own work, he heard Melinda’s voice, very soft, almost speaking to herself more than to him as she answered his question. 

“Yeah… I did.” 

As Phil and Melinda walked together to the garage that evening, Phil finally decided to ask what his friends (Mack and Bobbi particularly, since Hunter was skeptical and Elena was more subtle) had been nagging him about for weeks. 

“I was wondering if you’d want to get dinner with Hunter and Elena and a couple of our friends tomorrow night.” He looked over at Melinda hesitantly. 

Melinda seemed wary of Phil’s suggestion, but she didn’t dismiss it outright. 

“I thought your friends thought I was a robot?” she replied instead. 

Phil rolled his eyes. “No one ever said robot, Melinda. But it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to try to get to know some of your colleagues…” Phil didn’t want to say anything that would offend Melinda, but he was honestly kind of worried about her. She was always off by herself when she wasn’t around Phil, and despite how much time they had spent around each other lately, Phil was almost clueless about her life outside school. Sometimes she’d talk about the university she worked at as an adjunct the previous year or about grad school, but Phil knew next to nothing about her family or friends. 

Phil was grateful to hear Melinda sigh instead of closing up on him. 

“Maybe you’re right,” she said after a moment. “I could probably stand to be a bit more _chatty._ ” She emphasized the word with a small smirk in Phil’s direction. 

Phil grinned. Oddly, or maybe not so oddly, spending time with Melinda was making him _less_ chatty, or at least he spent more time having deeper conversations with Melinda and less time exchanging pleasantries with other faculty members. Phil wasn’t quite sure if the change was good or bad, but he’d become so invested in his friendship with Melinda that he couldn’t bring himself to really care. 

So it was settled, Melinda was coming to dinner, even if she wasn’t very enthusiastic about the idea, and Phil’s friends would finally stop badgering him about it. 

“It’s great to meet you, Dr. May,” Bobbi stood up to greet Melinda when she arrived with Phil to a restaurant in town the following evening. “I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m Bobbi Morse, Biology.” 

Melinda shook Bobbi’s hand stoically. She glanced over at Phil who raised his eyebrows at her. Melinda rolled her eyes but almost smiled at Bobbi when she turned away from Phil. 

“Nice to meet you, Bobbi,” Melinda said evenly. “Call me Melinda, please.” 

Elena and Hunter exchanged surprised glances. 

Mack introduced himself after Bobbi and the group took their seats at a round table, Melinda between Phil and Bobbi, with Elena beside Phil since Mack had taken it upon himself to separate Hunter and Elena.

“So how do you like Shield so far?” Mack asked Melinda after the group had settled in. 

“It’s nice,” Melinda replied, the smallest of smiles gracing her lips. “The students are great, and campus is beautiful. And Phil’s been helping me settle in a bit.” She flashed him a momentary smile. 

Phil felt himself start to blush at the compliment. 

Hunter snorted, earning him a glare from Phil and a jab in the ribs from Bobbi who quickly asked Melinda about her research to distract from Hunter. 

Melinda didn’t speak for very long about her work, but for the couple minutes that she was talking, Phil was able to sit back and watch as his friends discovered what Phil had been telling them for weeks: Dr. Melinda May was the most gifted teacher that any of them had ever known. 

Mack and Bobbi, certainly not historians by any means, were nodding along with what Melinda was saying, seeming almost spellbound, their interest entirely genuine and not out of mere politeness. Hunter only managed to look away from Melinda long enough to stare at Phil and shake his head as if offering an apology, and Elena enthusiastically began a lengthy discussion of 19thcentury American culture with Melinda, since that was where their areas of interest overlapped. 

Time flew by quickly as discussion of American history turned to current events to events in the college community, just as an evening normally would have gone with the group. Melinda didn’t enter the conversation often, but when she did her words always carried great weight and were met with agreement and appreciation from Phil’s friends. 

When Melinda excused herself to go to the restroom near the end of the evening, the group quickly turned to Phil with wide eyes, talking over each other saying how much they liked Melinda. 

“She’s brilliant,” Hunter said, his eyes wide, “but she’s not in your face about how smart she is or how much stuff she knows.” 

Mack nodded his agreement. “She’s just very well spoken.” 

“I’m kinda mad you didn’t bring her to dinner sooner, Phil,” Bobbi added, clearly impressed. 

“So is there like something going on with you two?” Hunter said, wagging his eyebrows suggestively. “I mean, she said you’ve been helping her ‘settle in.’ That’s a euphemism, isn’t it?” 

“Ugh, Hunter, come on.” Bobbi whacked him in the arm. 

Phil rolled his eyes. “No, Hunter, we’re friends. I told you she was great.” 

Elena nodded seriously. “You’re right, Phil. I should have talked with her a long time ago.” 

Mack smiled and put an arm around his fiancée. “Nice work, Phil. I can never get her to admit she’s made a mistake about anything.” 

Elena shoved Mack in response, but she didn’t argue his point. 

Phil and Melinda left together, since he had given her a ride from campus. 

“So did you have a good time?” Phil said hesitantly after a moment as they walked up the street to Phil’s car. 

Melinda looked up at him, an amused look on her face. “I think you know me well enough by now to know that I did.” 

Phil’s face lit up. “I’m glad. And they all loved you by the way.” 

Melinda didn’t turn to look at him, but by the glow of the streetlights, Phil could just make out the pleased smile on Melinda’s face. 

He felt a surge of affection and gratitude for his new friend, the closest friend he’d had since Audrey if he was being honest. Phil loved his other friends, but each of them had their own soulmate, connected by a bond stronger than anything Phil could ever feel with any of them. With Melinda, it was just them. Even if he never found his actual soulmate, assuming she was still out there somewhere just repressing all her emotions, having Melinda meant more than he could have ever imagined. 

Melinda’s smile grew wider for a moment as Phil watched her, and he smiled wider himself. He just hoped that she knew just how much their friendship meant to him, and he hoped it meant something to her too.


	5. Longing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so incredibly grateful for all the lovely comments about how much you all are liking the story so far; it's really so amazing to hear :)
> 
> This is the last chapter before things get intense, so I really hope you guys like it!!!
> 
> Enjoy!!

Over the next few weeks, Phil spent even more time with Melinda, and she invariably ended up getting dinner or drinks with the whole group when they went out after work. She had established a particularly good friendship with Elena, both because they had some overlap in their research and because Melinda enjoyed Elena’s ability to quickly shut down Hunter when he was being obnoxious. 

Phil also noticed that Melinda started opening up more with the rest of the faculty, even outside of their friends. He was only barely able to hide his surprise when he found Melinda conversing with a group of Asian and African history professors before a departmental meeting a week or two before Thanksgiving break. Melinda had met his gaze over the heads of their colleagues and rolled her eyes at him, clearly having recognized Phil’s shock in spite of his attempt to hide it, so Phil sheepishly came over to join her and the other professors, sliding up easily beside Melinda as though he’d been doing it forever. 

And it was really starting to feel that way. Melinda was the first person Phil wanted to see when he got to campus in the morning, and he ended nearly every day walking to the parking garage at her side. She was the best friend he’d had in a really long time. Maybe ever. And they’d only known each other for a few months. 

Eventually, Melinda began to open up to Phil about her family and friends, though she made a point to never talk about her years as an elementary school teacher, which Phil respected though he was _dying_ to hear more about Melinda’s past life teaching little kids. 

He learned that Melinda’s parents were divorced and that she spent more time with her mom than her dad, though neither of them lived close enough for Melinda to see too regularly. She was an only child like Phil, and most of her closest friends were from grad school, though they were spread out all over the country, traveling anywhere to get a decent job in academia. Occasionally Melinda would mention a friend from college, but it was only ever in passing, and Phil got the impression that she hadn’t kept in contact with anyone from before grad school. 

“Yeah, I had a friend like that,” Melinda had said once, laughing, in response to a story Phil had told about his college buddy Clint’s antics, stealing food, alcohol, and even once a whole box of t-shirts from unsuspecting frat boys at parties. 

“God, I haven’t seen Nat since…” Melinda had trailed off and hadn't finished her sentence, turning back to her lunch without explanation. 

Phil was used to this. Every time Melinda opened up a little more than she was comfortable with, she would shut down and would only come around when Phil brought up something mundane like an upcoming faculty meeting or papers he was grading. She was especially prone to becoming silent when the conversation strayed to anything from her life before grad school. No matter how open Melinda was becoming with him, Phil knew that somewhere in there was an important detail about her life that she was omitting. Something had happened in her past that she wasn’t comfortable sharing, even with Phil. 

But still it was progress, not only with him but with the entire department, and even some students started to take notice, or one did, at least. 

“I told you that you guys would get along,” Daisy said smugly one afternoon after she’d happened to run into Phil and Melinda eating lunch together by the pond on one of the last warm autumn days of the year. 

Phil laughed and nodded his agreement. “Yes, you’re very smart, Daisy.” 

Daisy grinned widely and sat down in front of him, launching immediately into a series of questions about her research – the actual reason she had come by his office. But before she left, nearly an hour later after their meeting had devolved into their usual friendly chatter, Daisy added a brief comment that left Phil pensive for the rest of the day. 

“She’s much happier now, you know,” she said subtly as she picked up her things. 

Phil blinked at his student in confusion. 

“Professor May,” Daisy clarified. “She’s definitely been happier for the last month, if you didn’t realize it.” She turned to leave but stopped in the doorway and turned to face Phil. “And I feel like you’re kind of happier too, maybe.” She flashed him a quick, thoughtful smile and then disappeared, leaving Phil staring after her, not quite sure what to make of Daisy’s parting words. 

Daisy was right; he _was_ happier now that he had Melinda, but, he argued to himself, _anyone_ would be happy if they made a friend as great as Melinda was. And of course he couldn’t speak for Melinda, but he certainly hoped that she was happier now that she was settling in to campus better, whether or not Phil was to blame for that change. 

But Phil could tell that Daisy had been implying something deeper than he and Melinda each just being excited by having a new friend. Which left Phil with a question for himself: was there something more going on between he and Melinda? 

Phil shook his head. This was ridiculous. He wasn’t going to let some kid get to him like that (never mind that the “kid” in question was almost 22 years old and that she knew him better than most of his colleagues). 

Thanksgiving break gave Phil a much-needed respite from his classes and all the work he had to do normally, but even by the first morning he spent at his parents’ house, Phil realized that he missed Melinda. They had seen each other every single weekday for nearly two months now, and for it to be a Wednesday and for he and Melinda not be talking over coffee somewhere was disorienting. 

He sent her a text wishing her a Happy Thanksgiving the next morning, which she returned in her usual style without exclamation points or emojis, though the immediacy of her response told Phil that she was pleased that he had texted her.

After a wonderful holiday with his family, Phil knew he had to get back to work the next day; this was one of his last chances to work on his book before end of semester obligations took over, so he needed to get at least something written. But when he sat down at the desk in his old childhood bedroom he found that he couldn’t make a cohesive argument from the notes he’d taken in his research. He knew he was getting close to an important conclusion, but he kept thinking himself in circles, never quite figuring out where he needed to go. 

Finally he sighed and picked up his phone, selecting Melinda’s contact. If he wasn’t making any progress trying to figure this out himself, the best option was to try to explain it to someone who understood, making Melinda the obvious choice (never mind that he missed talking to his friend). 

“What’s up, Phil?” Melinda answered her phone almost immediately. 

Phil smiled and relaxed back in his chair at just the sound of his friend’s voice. “Hey Melinda. How’s your mom’s?”

“It’s okay,” Melinda said hesitantly, still clearly curious as to why Phil had called her. “Dinner was nice yesterday. How about you?” 

“Same here,” Phil replied, still smiling. “Some of my dad’s family came by. One of my younger cousins has some pretty cute kids.” 

“That sounds really nice.” Melinda’s voice was soft and sincere. 

Neither of them spoke for a moment. 

“Did you call me just for that?” Melinda asked finally, the smallest bit of amusement in her words. 

Phil laughed. “No, I have an actual reason, though it _has_ been weird not to talk to you the last couple days.” 

Melinda laughed slightly herself but didn’t disagree. 

“But, so I’m working on this chapter, and I _think_ I have something, but I can’t quite figure it out, so I thought that if I talked through it to you then maybe I would,” Phil said hesitantly. 

“Of course.” Phil could almost hear Melinda’s smile through the phone. 

Phil broke into a smile of his own and immediately launched into what he was working on. 

An hour later, Phil had completely figured out his research conclusion, while Melinda, in turn, had asked him for some advice on her own work, and then the pair had begun exchanging stories of Thanksgivings from the past in the spirit of the holiday. Melinda recounted one year when she was in grad school when she and some friends had pooled their resources to buy food but had burned pretty much everything, while Phil talked about childhood and teenage tricks he’d played with his cousins, often with the help of his grandfather who Phil missed especially around the holidays.

Eventually Phil’s mother came up and knocked on his door to tell him to come get some lunch, which made Phil laugh to himself. He felt like a teenager again, on the phone with a friend until his mom came to get him for dinner. He’d always looked back on his years in high school fondly, but sitting here at his old desk talking to Melinda about research and their families and anything was so much better. 

He and Melinda texted sporadically through the weekend, enough for Phil to know that this wasn’t just him; she missed him too. It was a nice feeling, even if Phil wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. 

When he came into campus Monday morning, he put his things down in his office and immediately turned around to find Melinda. He appeared in her doorway with a wide smile, and Melinda had rolled her eyes at his excitement, but she already had a cup of coffee sitting out on her desk waiting for him, so Phil knew her eyeroll was just for show. 

They prepped for their classes together in her office, catching up with each other more than doing actual work, as though they’d been separated for much longer than five days. 

“So, after we were talking on Friday,” Phil said conversationally as he skimmed through an article his seminar class was going to be discussing later, “I kind of had an idea.” 

“And what was that?” Melinda asked, similarly distracted by her computer screen, but still paying attention to Phil. 

“I thought it might be cool if we wrote an article together,” Phil said, finally giving up all pretext of doing work. “On Chinese immigration in the 40s and 50s, I mean. There’s so much that we talked about that I couldn’t fit into the section in my book, so I was wondering if you’d want to work on something more in depth. I think we work well together. It could be pretty cool.” He shrugged casually, doing his best not to sound too excited.

Melinda didn’t say anything for a moment, but when Phil looked over at her she was smiling. “Yeah, we do work well together, don’t we?” she said softly. “That sounds… really fun, actually.” 

Phil was instantly incredibly happy, so happy that his soulmate probably felt it too. He beamed at his friend, and Melinda smiled wider in response. 

But any plans Phil had for their article had to be put on hold until the end of the semester, as things became busier and busier each day. Phil found himself increasingly swamped with papers and students needing help and more departmental responsibilities than he’d realized he’d signed up for. 

But even if he spent less time with most of his friends (who were all just as busy as he was), he and Melinda still gravitated toward each other in any free time they had. They still took coffee breaks together most mornings, and at least a couple times a week they graded papers or did other work side-by-side in one of their offices. 

It was something Phil was becoming more and more conscious of: his physical need to be around Melinda May. 

He was so happy to have such an amazing friend, someone he could share his work and his time with, but it was gradually dawning on him that part of the reason he was so grateful for her presence in his life was that he felt something for her beyond friendship. 

He and Melinda been friends only about two months, but already their relationship mattered more to him than almost anything. He felt a genuine sense of loss whenever he wasn’t able to see her for longer than a few minutes, as happened on a few particularly busy days. One Friday he came down with a cold and wasn’t able to make it to campus, and easily the reason he was most miserable was that he hadn’t been able to see Melinda. 

He remembered Hunter’s jab at dinner the previous month that there had to be “something going on” with he and Melinda. Their friendship had really become like dating… except the actual dating part. Phil wasn’t quite sure what to think about it. Was this just him getting overly attached to the first unattached friend he’d had in years, him getting too excited by another person who thought similarly to him and who didn’t mind when he rambled on about something for ten minutes? Or was this something more than that? 

He knew that Melinda liked him; she was so guarded in her approach to relationships with others that the simple lack of such a wall with Phil meant that she must care for him in some capacity, but as for a romantic relationship, Phil had no idea. That was territory they’d never even come close to before, and with Melinda, who could so easily close herself off from even him, approaching that subject would almost certainly lead to a rupture in their friendship that Phil couldn’t afford. There was no way he could jeopardize their relationship when it was so important to him, and, he hoped, to Melinda too. 

But the simple truth remained that Phil connected with Melinda in a way he had never connected with another person. Perhaps his unknown soulmate, wherever she was, might understand him better, but she hadn’t been a part of his life in 8 years, and Melinda was here now. Did he dare let something this special go? 

He was at a loss.


	6. Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the lovely comments on this so far <3 I’m having such a great time working on this, and I’m so glad you guys are enjoying it too!
> 
> This chapter’s kind of big and intense and important, and from here on out the soulmate aspect of this is going to be much more central. I really really hope you guys like it!!
> 
> Enjoy!!

Phil didn’t let himself think about his potential feelings for his new friend as the last week of the semester fell upon them, Phil finding himself just as busy as any of his students as he wrote essay questions for the final of his intro class and addressed last minute research problems of the students in his upper level seminar. 

“There just aren’t enough hours in the day,” Phil remarked to Melinda at lunch as he read through a faculty committee proposal that he was supposed to have submitted comments on the previous day. He and Melinda typically tried to avoid doing work when they met for lunch, but Phil was already so behind that their usual rules were impossible. 

Melinda hummed in response as she read through the very last reading responses of her students for the semester. Since this was only her first semester at Shield, Melinda wasn’t nearly as swamped with work as Phil, but she certainly had enough on her plate to keep busy. 

“And then we have the evening faculty meeting on Friday,” Phil continued to complain. “I mean what’s that about? Who schedules a meeting for 6 o’clock on the last day of the semester?” 

“They’re feeding us though, right?” Melinda asked with much less annoyance in her voice than Phil. 

“Yeah,” Phil conceded. “Elena heard it’s going to be kind of fancy.” 

Melinda stared at him exasperatedly. “Then don’t complain.” 

Phil sighed heavily. “But I _want_ to complain.” 

Melinda rolled her eyes and didn’t dignify his childishness with a response, but the small smile his words elicited from her was enough. 

Friday afternoon found he and Melinda similarly engaged. Phil had gotten sick of doing work in his office and had brought his laptop and a pile of papers over to Melinda’s office instead. The room was cramped with them both working there together, but Melinda didn’t object, and Phil was grateful for her company and for the relative warmth of the small room. The history building was cold and drafty on December days like this (so much so that Phil still had his jacket on, even though Melinda had repeatedly teased him for it), but it wasn’t nearly as bad in such close quarters. 

Around five, Phil realized that he was just staring at his computer screen and not actually reading the words in front of him.

“You want to take a break? Grab some tea downstairs?” he asked Melinda. 

She nodded immediately. “Yeah, it’s a little crowded in here,” she replied with just the faintest trace of amusement in her voice so Phil knew she was joking. 

Phil rolled his eyes but smiled in spite of himself. 

The pair walked down the stairs chatting lightly about what food they thought would be at the faculty meeting that night, but just a few steps above the landing they stopped abruptly as fire alarms began to blare throughout the building. 

Now that they were within sight of the faculty room, Phil could see smoke beginning to pour out of the open door, and he could hear the crackling of flames beyond it.

His immediate worry was for the professors in the offices past the faculty room, but he was more than a little bit concerned for himself and Melinda. He turned to his friend, but in that instant his head split apart, his mind screaming in a way he had only felt once before. He was filled with abject terror that made him gasp and clutch at his chest. At the same time, he saw Melinda beside him staring at the smoke and the flames, frozen, her breathing erratic, her hands clenched, and her eyes wide, so Phil fought back against the screaming in his mind. Melinda was scared, and he needed to help her. 

He grabbed her hand and pulled her down the stairs, doing what he could to make sure she didn’t trip. She didn’t seem to register that he was there at all, but she let herself be led away. It was some kind of panic attack, Phil was certain, and he just needed to get her outside. 

Once they reached the exit, the cold air seemed to rouse Melinda. She turned and saw that Phil was there, still holding onto her, and she shook her head, wrenching her arm from his grasp and running off into the evening. 

The sun had already set so it was hard to see anything in the deep twilight. Phil’s head was spinning; everything had happened so fast. He looked around and saw a group of professors that must have been inside the building. 

“Oh, Phil, I think it was just you and Dr. May up on the third floor, did she come out with you?” 

Phil heard the question that one of the European historians asked him, but it was all he could do to nod. He moved past the small crowd and sank down onto a low brick retaining wall that lined one of the nearby paths. No one else spoke to him as he closed his eyes, the world continuing to spin around him. 

There was the screaming in his head and Melinda panicking next to him and her hand in his but then she pulled away and disappeared but still there was screaming and then there was noise and smoke and other people asking questions all around him but he couldn’t think. 

Phil opened his eyes to see fire trucks pulling up to the building through a side alley and several firefighters immediately rushing inside. Flames were visible by the windows of the second floor faculty room, but the rest of the building seemed unharmed, at least from the outside. 

“I just stuck some soup in the microwave, that’s all!”

Phil turned to see Hunter arguing with a fire marshal who seemed annoyed but not too panicked. 

The realization that this was Hunter’s fault and that it was just a small microwave fire finally allowed Phil to calm down. The world righted itself, and he took a deep breath. Everyone was okay. Their offices were going to be fine. Hunter would probably be in some trouble, but everything was okay. 

But as Phil sat back on the wall, he recalled the sheer terror that he’d felt on the stairs next to Melinda, a terror that came from inside his mind but not from himself… It was his soulmate. For the first time in so long. And just like the last time he’d felt something from her, she had been terrified. 

Perhaps it had even been Phil’s own fear and worry that had triggered her response, like some kind of twisted soulmate PTSD. Phil felt sick to his stomach. What kind of soulmate was he if he just made his soulmate feel worse? At least she was okay now, or at least wasn’t giving Phil any indication that she wasn’t okay. That fear had disappeared from Phil’s mind not long after he’d left the history building. 

A breeze whipped past him, and Phil shivered and pulled his jacket closer around him, thankful that he had it with him. Instantly he thought of Melinda. She didn’t even have a sweater on; she must be freezing. And she was so scared. Something about the fire had terrified her in a way that Phil didn’t understand. He knew she needed space, but she’d had time, and it seemed like the fire was under control, so he needed to find her. 

And he knew just where to look.  

She was leaning against their picnic table, her arms wrapped around herself as she stared out at the pond, her eyes distant, clearly not focusing on what was in front of her. While there was a good deal of commotion on the other side of the history building, here the only noises were those Phil had left behind. The students were all inside studying for finals, and besides, it was far too cold for anyone to be outside anyway.

Phil shrugged off his jacket and held it out to his friend. “Melinda, you’re going to freeze to death.”

She started at his words, clearly not having noticed that he’d approached her. She stared at him blankly, not acknowledging the jacket he was holding out to her. 

“Melinda,” he repeated, “put this on, you’re freezing.” 

She finally took the article of clothing from him mechanically and put it on, the jacket dwarfing her tiny frame. 

Phil leaned against the table next to her, their arms almost touching. Neither of them spoke. 

“You don’t have to stay,” Melinda said finally after a few minutes. 

“Yeah, I do,” Phil replied immediately. “I was really scared for you; something like that can be traumatic. Everyone’s okay though,” he said softly, trying to reassure her. “Hunter was microwaving soup, that’s what started the fire.” He almost laughed. “He’s an idiot, but everything’s okay.” 

“This time.” Melinda’s words were impossibly quiet, clearly spoken only to herself, but they were perfectly audible to Phil in the quiet of the evening. 

Phil looked over at her, concern etched in his features. “What do you mean?” 

Melinda took a quick breath that was almost a sob, though no tears left her eyes. 

Phil reached out to comfort her, but she pulled away from him, moving so her back was to him. 

Phil stood there, unsure of what to do, but knowing that he couldn’t leave her, even if that’s what it seemed like she wanted. 

Silence stretched between them. 

“It was eight years ago,” Melinda’s voice finally cut through the night, her words quiet but clearly meant for Phil to hear. “Eight years ago almost exactly. It was my fourth year teaching in China. I loved my kids, little nine-year-olds, so sweet and happy and kind. I missed home often, but I loved teaching. I wouldn’t have stayed there forever, but I was happy there for the moment, and that meant a lot.” She took a shuddering breath and turned back to Phil, though she didn’t meet his eyes. 

“But then one day during an assembly there was a fire, something electrical they said later, a problem with the wiring, but it happened right in the middle of the students.” Melinda paused for a moment, looking out over the water, her thoughts clearly clouded by the distant tragedy. “Everyone was running and screaming, and the room was starting to fill with smoke. I had managed to keep track of all my students and direct them out the door… all except one.” 

Melinda took another unsteady breath. “One of my little girls was trapped… and I couldn’t save her. I tried. We all tried. Two other teachers died in the flames trying to get to her, and I ended up inhaling so much smoke that I collapsed before I could make it. I woke up in the hospital hours later with bandages all over my arms and legs, and I found out that she was gone…” 

Melinda leaned back heavily against the picnic table. “She was my responsibility and I didn’t save her.” Melinda was talking more to herself than to Phil. “I… It would have been better if I’d died too than for me to have failed her and lived.” 

The words settled heavily between them, Phil too horrified by Melinda’s tragedy to refute her statement. 

“So I left.” Melinda said finally, taking a deep breath and staring out across the pond. “I left China, I left my friends, I left everyone. I couldn’t be a teacher if I couldn’t protect my students. So I went to grad school to study history, to get away from people who were depending on me. That way I could still teach, but I would never fail my students like that again.” 

Melinda stopped there and turned her body fully away from Phil. 

Phil didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t imagine how terrible that must have been for Melinda. And to have to face it again tonight without warning… Melinda was so strong, so brave. He had to do something. 

He didn’t think; he just reached out to pull Melinda toward him and wrap her in an embrace. 

She stiffened for a moment before settling against his chest, letting out a shaky breath.

Phil rested his chin against her head, just wanting Melinda to be okay. He felt an overwhelming urge to protect her and keep her safe, to make sure that she would never be alone, that she would never have to go through something like this by herself again. 

Melinda gripped his shirt more tightly, and Phil felt a momentary surge of affection, even love, come coursing through him. He cared about Melinda so deeply, so powerfully. He had never felt anything like this before, not for Audrey, not for anyone. But, of course, this was Melinda, and she had never been like anyone else, not to him. 

Melinda pulled back at almost the same moment, her eyes guarded again as she turned away from him. 

Phil narrowed his eyes, confused as to what had made Melinda move back, but then he heard Elena and Mack’s voices calling out for them. 

“We should go back,” Phil said quietly, and Melinda nodded in reply, not meeting his eyes. 

“Oh, there you guys are.” Mack spotted them as they left the edge of the pond, and he and Elena came down to meet them. 

“They’re finally letting us back inside,” Elena said as the group joined together and started walking back around toward the building’s entrance. “Apparently the faculty room’s pretty much done for, but the rest of the building should be fine. They’ll inspect it tomorrow to be sure.” 

Phil nodded but didn’t say anything. 

“You missed Hunter getting chewed out by the fire marshal for twenty minutes,” Mack added, some amusement clear in his voice. “The idiot left aluminum foil on the soup he was heating up.” 

“He could have just waited an hour until the meeting, and they would have fed us,” Elena added exasperatedly. “He could have burned down the whole building!” 

Melinda inhaled sharply at Elena’s words. 

Phil reached out and squeezed Melinda’s arm lightly for the briefest moment, letting her know that he was there if she needed him. He received a ghost of a smile in reply. 

In front of them, Mack and Elena were so absorbed in their complaints about Hunter that they took no notice of their companions. 

“I’m sure Bobbi’s worried sick, she was coming home from that conference today, and she hasn’t made it back yet,” Mack said, concerned. 

“I would say he should give her a nice apology, and all the rest of us too, but I don’t think Hunter’s ever apologized in his life,” Elena commented bitterly. 

“Give him a chance, Elena,” Mack replied, squeezing his fiancée’s hand lightly. 

Elena finally turned back to Phil and Melinda. “So you guys were up on our floor when it happened?” she asked, letting the subject of Hunter go for now. 

Phil nodded. “We were actually heading down to the faculty room when the alarm went off.” 

“Well, we’re lucky it wasn’t worse than it was,” Mack said. 

“Hunter’s never allowed near a microwave ever again,” Elena grumbled. 

“And speak of the devil…” 

As they rounded the corner of the building, one figure came running toward them out of the small mass of employees and firefighters (and a knot of curious students) milling around in front of the building. 

“Phil, Melinda, I’m so so sorry,” Hunter began immediately, his voice more apologetic than Phil had ever heard. “Completely my bad. So stupid of me. I’m really an idiot.” He paused for a moment. “No hard feelings, right?” 

“First time for everything I suppose,” Elena mumbled under her breath in response to a wordless “I told you so” from Mack. 

Before Phil could reply, a voice sounded from across the courtyard they were standing in. 

“Hunter!” 

The speaker sounded far more worried than she did angry. 

In an instant, Bobbi appeared and engulfed Hunter in an embrace, her shoulders heaving as though she’d just sprinted across campus. 

“I came as fast as I could. Are you okay? Are you okay? You were so scared, and I was so scared, and I just need to know you’re okay.” Bobbi’s words all ran together mixed with frantic breaths and sobs. 

“I’m okay, Bob,” came Hunter’s reply, muffled by his girlfriend’s embrace. “You know I’m okay.” 

“I know,” Bobbi took a few deep breaths and released Hunter from her grasp, but no sooner had they separated when Bobbi’s hand flew forward and slapped him across the face. 

“Ow! Bob! What the hell!” Hunter cried indignantly, rubbing his cheek. “That hurt!” 

“You’re such an idiot. Don’t you ever do that to me again!” Bobbi yelled furiously. 

“I’m sorry,” Hunter said, holding his hands up to shield himself in case Bobbi decided to go after his face again. “Really, Bob, I’m… I’m _so_ sorry.” Hunter’s words were soft in a way that Phil rarely heard. Hunter was so often boisterous and teasing, sarcastic and defensive, but in moments like these, Phil was reminded that Hunter and Bobbi were soulmates and that they did love each other deeply.

A fireman approached them cautiously, clearly having heard some of Bobbi’s screaming. “If any of you have any belongings inside you want to gather, I can take you inside,” he said warily. 

Elena nodded at the fireman on behalf of the group, and they all followed him inside, Bobbi and Hunter both having calmed down, their conversation paused for the moment. 

The fireman led them up the first flight of steps and waited at the landing as Hunter and Bobbi broke off to go to Hunter’s office on the second floor and the rest of them continued up the last flight. 

Elena and Mack turned into Elena’s office, while Phil and Melinda continued on to Melinda’s where Phil had left most of his things.

“Here,” Melinda spoke for the first time since she had finished telling Phil about the fire at her school. She had shrugged off Phil’s jacket and was handing it back to him. 

“Oh, thanks,” Phil said, having almost forgotten that she was wearing it after her story and then all the commotion with their friends. 

Phil picked up his things and started to head back to his office, but Melinda’s voice stopped him. 

“Thank you.” 

Phil turned back around. “For the jacket? No problem.” 

Melinda almost smiled as she shook her head. “No I meant for finding me… and for listening.”

Phil smiled at her. “You know me, I’m always talking. It’s good for me to listen sometimes.” 

Melinda almost laughed at that, a small smileappearing on her face. 

In an instant, Phil felt that same surge of affection toward Melinda that he had felt earlier. Something like love, a desire to hold her close and never let her go. 

Melinda blinked at him and looked away shaking her head to herself as though to clear her mind of something. 

Phil stared at her for a moment, confused, but he still had to grab a few more things from his office, so he made his way back, leaving Melinda’s door open behind him. 

The pair met back in front of Phil’s office and walked down the stairs together, passing by the fireman who seemed more than a little perturbed by an argument that was evidently taking place in Hunter’s office. 

Phil offered the man a sympathetic glance, but he and Melinda left him and continued down the steps. 

Outside, they found Mack and Elena who informed them that the faculty meeting had been cancelled due to the fire but that they were still going to serve food if they wanted to go. 

With a single glance, Phil knew that Melinda wasn’t up for that, and he really wasn’t all that hungry himself, so he declined Mack and Elena’s invitation on behalf of both of them, and he and Melinda walked silently toward the garage instead. 

Phil only spoke when they finally reached Melinda’s car. 

“You let me know if you need anything, okay?” 

Melinda didn’t reply, but he knew that she’d heard him and understood. 

“Goodnight, Melinda.” 

He didn’t expect a response, but he heard one come very quietly on the night air. 

“Goodnight, Phil.” 

When Phil made it back to his car, he sat inside for a minute trying to wrap his head around the events of the last hour. The smoke pouring out of the faculty room. The screaming inside his head. The fear and panic in Melinda’s eyes. All the chaos around him outside. Melinda telling him about her past in the dark. Hunter arguing with the fire marshal and then with Bobbi. 

And Phil falling more in love with Melinda. That might have been the most important part of the evening. 

Phil finally put his car in reverse and backed out of his parking space, still feeling overwhelmed, but knowing that sitting in the parking garage wouldn’t do anything.

On his drive home, Phil found himself thinking about Hunter and Bobbi, about how Bobbi had launched herself at Hunter the moment she saw him, just needing to know that he was okay. She was Hunter’s soulmate; she’d felt his fear and confusion on her trip home from her conference, and it had affected her significantly. Phil had to assume that the same thing had happened with his soulmate when she’d felt Phil’s fear about the fire. He’d triggered the first reaction from her in eight years, and it had been so awful for her. Phil felt terrible. She didn’t deserve that. But what could he do? 

He sighed, and his thoughts turned to Melinda instead. She was actually near him, so maybe he could help her. 

When Phil reached his apartment, he heated up some leftovers in the kitchen (being very careful with the microwave) and then pulled out his laptop at the table as he ate. Melinda had provided very few details about the fire that had almost killed her, and he couldn’t help wanting to know more. 

It didn’t take him long to find a couple articles about the tragedy written in English, both mentioning that Melinda May had been an American working at the school and that she had heroically risked her life in an attempt to save a student.

All Phil could think about was how brave Melinda was and how horrible it was that she’d had to go through something like this when she didn’t deserve it. The child’s death wasn’t her fault, but she’d been beating herself up over it for eight years. 

Phil’s eyes curiously flicked up to check the date on the article: December 14th. Like she’d said, it was almost exactly eight years ago. 

But something about that date was oddly familiar to Phil… That would have been December the year before he finished his dissertation. 

Wait… 

Late the night of December 13thand early the next morning was the last time Phil had heard from his… 

His soulmate. 

Oh shit. 

Phil stared, frozen, at his computer, his mind in turmoil. He couldn’t believe it. It was impossible. And yet… it was the only explanation that made any sense. 

Melinda May was his soulmate. 

He’d found her.


	7. Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so so much for all the enthusiasm about this fic!!! Every single comment really means so much to me, and I can't thank you all enough :)
> 
> There's a lot in this one too, but I promise everything's going to be okay in the end ;)
> 
> Enjoy!!

Phil was still sitting at his kitchen table half an hour later when his phone buzzed and pulled him from his thoughts. He checked the screen franticly, not sure if he was hoping to hear from Melinda or not, but it was just Hunter with another apology for almost burning down the history building. 

Phil set his phone down without a second glance and slumped back in his chair, still trying to wrap his head around what he had discovered.

Melinda was his soulmate. _Melinda._ The woman who had become his best friend, who he’d maybe definitely been falling in love with… she was his soulmate. She had to be. He’d laid out the evidence to himself over and over, and always he came to the same conclusion.

Melinda had almost died trying to rescue a child from a burning building on the same day that Phil’s soulmate had gone through a horrible tragedy. She’d felt terrified and helpless and then she’d drifted away for a few hours (which Phil assumed must have been when Melinda passed out from smoke inhalation and was taken to the hospital) and then she’d been heartbroken and in pain at a level that Phil had never experienced himself. She’d found out that the child had died, that she hadn’t been able to save her. 

And so she’d closed up, left behind everyone including her soulmate, including Phil. He was almost kicking himself for not figuring it out earlier. Of course emotionless Melinda May was his emotionless soulmate, missing from his life for eight years and only returning now for a moment when the fire on campus had brought back the memory of that fire in China. 

He thought back to little moments between them over the last few months. He’d been so inexplicably drawn to her for weeks, as though he’d known that she was something special. He’d always chalked that up to him subconsciously knowing that they’d be friends, but him being drawn to Melinda as part of their soulmate connection made even more sense. 

And then there were all the times when Melinda had made him feel happy or hopeful or excited, and she had started smiling a little bit wider at that exact same moment. Phil had always assumed that she was happy herself (or hoped that he was making her happy), but it must have been his feelings inside her head making her smile just a bit more. 

Even tonight, both times when Phil had been really struck by the fact that he cared deeply about Melinda, she had reacted oddly, as though something was going on in her head that she wanted to get rid of. She was feeling his emotions, and she didn’t want them. 

He _really_ should have figured this out a lot sooner.

But did she know? That was the big question. 

Melinda was smart; it wouldn’t have been beyond her to figure it out, but he wasn’t sure. She might have been too upset this evening to pay attention to any emotions from her soulmate, and Phil’s emotions that she’d felt other times could easily have been written off as coincidences. Or she could have figured it out weeks ago and just didn’t want to tell Phil. Either option seemed likely. Melinda had never given him any indication that she knew he was her soulmate, but this was _Melinda_ ; she could hide her thoughts and emotions better than anyone he’d ever met. Actually, before today, if anyone had asked him who he thought was best at hiding what they were feeling, he would have said his soulmate first and Melinda second. Of _course_ they had turned out to be the same person. 

He just kept repeating it to himself. _Melinda_ was his soulmate. Melinda was his _soulmate._  

The more times he thought it, the more right it seemed. Ever since their first real conversation that day she had guest lectured in his intro class, they had always just fit together. Their friendship was easy, natural. They were two halves of the same whole. The universe could never have found someone as perfect for him as Melinda. He’d been silly to ever imagine that such a person could exist. 

And he loved her already. It was impossible to deny that now. They were destined to spend their lives together, after all. 

Now that the shock had worn off, Phil finally began to smile. He’d really found her. After all these years trying to get his soulmate to share her feelings with him, he’d stumbled upon her accidentally and had actually gotten her to open up, all while falling in love with her. He’d gotten so lucky, and he hadn’t even known it until now. 

So all he needed to do was casually broach the subject with Melinda… Because Melinda _loved_ talking about feelings… 

Phil hadn’t even started thinking of a plan for how to ask Melinda out or tell her how he felt about her before this, but now that they were soulmates, things were so much more serious. Every conversation, every interaction between the two of them carried so much more weight. 

Phil wished he could discuss this with someone. Hunter had rambled on to him about Bobbi back when they had first met and discovered their connection, and Phil had actually been at the academic conference where Elena had first met Mack (who at the time was a friend of a friend working at the university where the conference had been held). But Phil knew that this was different. It wasn’t right for him to tell anyone that Melinda was his soulmate before she knew herself, especially when his friends were Melinda’s friends too. 

Phil had to figure this out himself. 

But as Phil thought about it, he realized that as important as this was, the real priority had to be making sure that Melinda was okay after everything that had happened. Even if Melinda was his soulmate, he had to be her friend first. That’s what she really needed right now. 

The next morning, Phil called Melinda to check in, making every conscious effort to keep his emotions under control. Melinda was quiet when she answered, but Phil kept the conversation light, making observations about the first couple research papers he was starting to grade and running ideas by her about changes he wanted to make for his syllabi for next semester. He only brought up the fire at all when he asked if Hunter had contacted her.

“I got four separate “I’m sorry” texts last night and another one this morning when I woke up,” Phil said, shaking his head, not sure if he was annoyed by his friend’s excessive apologies or glad that Hunter was actually taking his actions seriously. 

“Yeah, me too,” Melinda replied, amusement in her voice. “Elena says he’s never taken responsibility for anything. I guess he’s making up for that now.” 

Phil laughed appreciatively, relieved that Melinda was able to joke about this, even if it wasn’t directly related to the fire. 

After their conversation, Phil felt a bit better, but he knew that even if Melinda was still upset, she could easily hide it, especially since they were just talking on the phone. He would have to see her in person to really be sure. 

When he made it to campus on Monday, the fire was the sole topic of conversation. An email had been released to the entire school saying that there had been a small fire due to a “microwave malfunction” (phrasing which made Phil laugh when he read it) in the faculty room of the history building, but that no one had been hurt and the building was fine. But it seemed that this explanation was not enough. 

Usually campus was less crowded, or at least much quieter, during exam week, but Phil found himself surrounded by discussion of the event everywhere he went. The usually zombie-like students, huddled in corners frantically reading notes or typing furiously on their laptops, were all excitedly sharing rumors and asking around for first-hand accounts of the fire. In the brief time that Phil stopped to grab a coffee and some hot water for Melinda at the café before heading to his office (since the history faculty room was no longer usable), five different groups of students stopped him to ask if he’d been in the building when the fire happened and if he knew who had caused it. 

Out of respect for Hunter, who Phil really did feel bad for, Phil didn’t give the students any new information. Odds were that they would find out themselves at some point. A few kids had been outside that night, and certainly at least one of them had heard Hunter getting yelled at by the fire marshal or Bobbi. 

The history building itself was far busier than usual, with practically every member of the department, and even some professors from other departments, whispering to each other as they stood around the halls or outside their offices or sneaked peaks into the closed off faculty room. 

“Campus security only opened up the building half an hour ago,” Elena explained, appearing at Phil’s side as he looked around at the gawkers on his way up to his office. “I bet it’ll be hours before it quiets down.” 

“Has Hunter made an appearance?” Phil asked, feeling even worse for his friend who was certainly going to garner a lot of negative attention when he arrived on campus. 

Elena shook her head. “I told him not to come in until later. I think he’s going to hide out in Bobbi’s office for the morning.” 

“Probably for the best,” Phil replied glancing around at the familiar and unfamiliar figures around them. “Poor guy needs a break. It sounds like he’s been beating himself up about it pretty bad.” 

“Yeah,” Elena sounded almost regretful. “I was too hard on him afterward.” 

Phil shrugged. “It was stressful for everyone. And I’m sure whatever the fire marshal said to him got him the worst.”

Phil moved to keep walking down the hallway past Elena’s office toward his own, but she stopped him. 

“Hey, is Melinda okay?” Elena asked in a low voice. “She seemed really shaken up by the fire.” 

Phil offered his friend a half smile, grateful that Elena had noticed that Melinda wasn’t okay and pleased that she’d gone to Phil first to check. “Yeah, she was a bit, but I think she’s okay. We talked on Saturday, and she seemed a lot better.” 

Elena nodded, relief evident on her face. “Good. It was kind of scary to see Melinda get upset by something.” 

Phil nodded his agreement. “I’m gonna stop by her office and see how she is.” 

“Let me know,” Elena replied, stepping into her office as Phil continued on alone. 

As he unlocked his door, he noticed that the next door was opened just slightly. Phil smiled to himself. Melinda was waiting for him. His _soulmate_ was waiting for him. He’d already decided that he was going to wait a few days, at least until the end of finals week, to broach the subject with Melinda, just to make sure she was okay after Friday, but it was still pretty exciting to finally know who his soulmate was. 

Phil set down his things in his office, picked up his coffee and hot water, and walked over to Melinda’s office. 

“Crowded here this morning,” Phil said, pushing the door open after a brief knock to announce his presence.

“You’d think they’d all have more important things to do,” Melinda replied from behind her desk. She seemed a little tired, but normal aside from that. 

“I guess you could say the fire really _sparked_ some interest,” Phil said with wide grin (he’d thought of the pun on his walk over to campus and he knew he _had_ to share it with Melinda). 

Melinda shot him a death glare and didn’t reply. 

Phil, chuckling to himself, set down the hot water he’d brought her on her desk, finally eliciting a small smile from Melinda as she pulled out a tea bag from a drawer. 

“Thanks, Phil,” she said softly. “I’d forgotten that no faculty room means no tea.” 

Phil smiled back at her and sat down, taking a sip of his coffee. “Do you think our mugs made it?”

Melinda shook her head sadly. “I heard Victoria saying that the entire cabinet was destroyed.” 

“Damn,” Phil replied, disappointed. “We’ll have to buy new ones. I’m sure the department will cover the cost.” 

Melinda almost laughed. “They won’t be the same though.” 

Phil grinned. “So do you have grading to do?” 

Melinda nodded. “Yeah, final papers and then actual finals later. And I have at least two meetings to go to today.” She shook her head. “Why meetings need to happen after classes are over is beyond me.” 

Phil beamed at her. “And now you understand why I’ve been complaining for weeks. But I’ll grab my stuff and come grade with you for a while. I have my own share of pointless meetings today too.” 

So, in almost an imitation of their positions from just before the fire, Phil sat across from Melinda reading through essays and writing comments in the margins, every so often exchanging conversation with Melinda. 

She seemed okay. She had talked about the destruction of their favorite mugs without seeming too upset, and she seemed to be getting her work done normally. Phil was relieved. He knew that she wasn’t really ready to talk about the fire itself, but this was enough for now. 

So with Melinda seemingly back to normal, Phil decided to try to test out whether Melinda knew that he was her soulmate. As she sat across from him, reading an essay with her usual blank expression, Phil deliberately sent her some feelings of happiness. 

Instantly, a small smile appeared on Melinda’s face, but just a moment later she blinked and refocused as though she’d caught herself doing something bad. She didn’t so much as glance up at Phil who was watching her surreptitiously from behind the essay he was “grading.” 

So it seemed she didn’t know. 

Phil was also more than a little bit relieved to know for certain that Melinda _was_ his soulmate. He’d been convinced by the fire, but having more evidence to back up his conclusion made him feel better about the whole situation. 

Phil tried sending feelings to Melinda a few more times over the rest of the week, but while she always smiled a little bit every time Phil tried, she never looked at him afterward or gave him any indication that her odd momentary shifts in mood were the result of anyone in her immediate vicinity. 

Which made Phil’s task more difficult. He was going to have to drop the bombshell that he and Melinda were soulmates before they could go any further, and, knowing Melinda, she might not want to talk about it at all. She’d cut herself off from him for eight years for reasons Phil didn’t understand, so he couldn’t imagine what she would say when she found out that _he_ was her soulmate. 

So days passed, Phil’s students handed in papers and took their finals, and Phil got to work grading all of them. 

Hunter had come out from hiding and eventually the entire campus, as predicted, had found out that the fire was his fault, but with each day people cared about it less, and the contractors hired by the college promised that the faculty room would be redone by the start of the spring semester, so really there wasn’t all that much harm done. 

Things had died down for the most part by late Friday afternoon. Most of the students had gone home, and even the majority of the faculty was off campus, getting grading done at home rather than coming to campus. 

Phil, again, was in Melinda’s office finishing grading his last final. He had a few more research papers to get through, but finishing his finals was a huge accomplishment. Melinda was at about the same point in her work as him, so as Phil put the final grade on his last exam (the test belonged to Fitz and he’d easily gotten a 100%, just as Jemma had done when Phil had graded hers) and Melinda set down the paper she was working on, he took a deep breath and told himself that this was the right time. 

“Melinda, I wanted to talk to you about something,” he said slowly. 

Melinda sighed and looked up at him, resigned. “Yeah, I figured you would. I’m surprised it took you a whole week to bring it up.”

Phil blinked. “Wait… what? You know?” 

Melinda stared at him strangely. “I know what? You’re talking about what I told you after the fire, right?” 

Phil let out a breath as he realized that this was just a misunderstanding. She didn’t know. But instead of correcting her, Phil recognized that Melinda probably really did need to talk about what had happened. She’d left all her emotions about the fire bottled up inside her for so long, and if she’d be comfortable talking about it with Phil then his news could wait a while. 

“Yeah,” he said, trying to cover for himself. “Yeah, that’s what I wanted to talk about.” 

Melinda nodded but still looked slightly skeptical. “So what do you want to know?” she asked. 

Phil thought quickly. Of course he didn’t need to know anything that she didn’t want to share. He thought back to everything Melinda had said to him by the pond. She’d been so sad, so alone. And behind all her words had been one constant theme: it was _her_ fault. _She_ had failed. It was how she’d dealt with the tragedy herself, but Phil knew she was wrong. 

“You know it’s not your fault, right?” he said suddenly after a long pause. 

“What?” Melinda replied, clearly taken aback by Phil’s non-question. 

“It wasn’t your fault that the girl died,” Phil repeated. “You did everything you could to save her, and it wasn’t your fault.” 

“Yes it was.” Melinda’s face hardened as she turned away from Phil. “She was my responsibility.” 

“And you did everything you could.” 

“It wasn’t enough. I should have died too.” 

Phil watched her sadly. “I’m so glad that you didn’t.” His words were soft but definite. 

Melinda’s eyes snapped back up to meet his. “Well that’s not up to you.” 

“Then who is it up to?” Phil asked, his words almost angry at Melinda’s lack of care for her own life. 

Melinda didn’t answer. 

“Is that why you let everything go afterward?” Phil asked after a moment when he was certain that Melinda wasn’t going to answer his other question. 

“I didn’t want anyone else to get hurt,” she said finally. 

Phil stared at her. “Melinda, you didn’t hurt anyone.” 

Melinda sighed and stared down at the papers on her desk, not reading a word. “I hurt my soulmate,” she said finally, her voice the smallest whisper. 

Phil inhaled sharply. “Did… do you know him?” he asked hesitantly.

Melinda shook her head. “No. I don’t think I’ll ever find him, and I don’t want to.” 

Phil’s heart sank. “Why not?” 

“Because it’s horrible isn’t it?” Melinda said looking up at him, her words much harsher than Phil had expected. “When I lost the girl, when I failed to protect her, my soulmate, wherever he was, had to feel every little bit of pain and suffering that I went through. No one could ever deserve that, least of all my _soulmate_. So I blocked him out and haven’t sent him anything since. He doesn’t need to feel what I feel on top of whatever else he has to deal with.” 

Phil took a breath, knowing that he had to be careful with this. “But didn’t he ever reach out to you?” 

Melinda dropped his gaze and nodded. “Yeah, right after the fire he tried to help, and months and even years afterward I think he still was trying, but it’s still not fair to him.” 

“You know the point of having a soulmate is that they can help each other through things like that,” Phil replied slowly. “One soulmate can lessen the burden of the other. I’m sure he wanted to help you, to make sure you were okay.” 

“But I couldn’t force someone to feel all of that,” Melinda argued back. “It was my fault. No one else should have to deal with those consequences.” 

“But he cared about you, Melinda,” Phil said, taking a deep breath. “He _cares_ about you.” 

Melinda stared at him. 

And Phil stared back, knowing what he had to do. In a moment, he took down all of his own mental defenses to allow all of his emotions to reach Melinda. He sent her all of his concern for her wellbeing, all of his heartbreak at how she thought she didn’t deserve anyone to care about her, all of his appreciation for her friendship. He sent her sadness and joy and excitement and pain, but most of all, he sent her his love. He needed her to know how truly and deeply he cared for her, how he wanted nothing more than her happiness, how much he loved her with every part of his being. He had loved her as his friend Melinda, and he loved her still as his soulmate. 

Melinda moved away from him, breathing heavily, as though overwhelmed by the sheer force of emotion that Phil had sent to her. 

“Melinda-” Phil started but she cut him off. 

“No, Phil, I can’t do this right now.” She shook her head, breathing heavily. “You can’t just do something like that, Phil. You can’t.” 

“But Melinda-” 

“Go, Phil. Please, just… go.” Melinda turned away from him, her head in her hands. 

Phil stood up and grabbed his things, replacing the barriers in his mind so Melinda could no longer feel everything.

“I’m sorry,” he said simply, and then he left. 

He went quickly to his office to grab the rest of his things and then he headed down the stairs as fast as he could, thinking only about Melinda rejecting him, pushing him away for the first time since they had become friends. He’d known that she would need time to process this, but the reality of the situation hurt so much more than he’d imagined it could. 

Phil was so distracted as he walked down the stairs heading for the door that he ran straight into Fitz and Jemma.

“Oh, hi guys,” Phil said, trying to sound as normal as possible. “Shouldn’t you be heading home?” 

When neither of them replied immediately, Phil took a second look at the pair. There were tear tracks on Jemma’s cheeks, and Fitz didn’t seem much better. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“It’s Daisy,” Fitz said finally, staring up at Coulson with a lost look in his eyes. “She was in a car accident.” 

Phil felt as though time had stopped. 

He knew Fitz was still talking, saying something about a truck and the highway and a hospital and Daisy’s grandparents and needing a car, but he sounded far away and Phil wasn’t understanding any of it. 

Daisy had been in a car accident. _His_ Daisy had been in a car accident. 

She was alive, Phil had gathered that much from Fitz’s words, but it had been very serious, and they didn’t know if she was going to be okay. 

Phil couldn’t think. He sank down onto the bottom step and put his head in his hands. He’d already maybe lost Melinda today and now he could lose Daisy too? It hurt too much to even consider. 

Phil had been lucky enough to teach a fair number of great students in his time at Shield, but Daisy had to be his favorite. He’d helped her though papers and personal crises, and she’d given him lots of tech support and a near-constant stream of entertainment for all the time he’d known her. Daisy had lost her parents, but Phil had always almost felt like a father to her, and he was pretty sure she felt the same. 

And she’d even encouraged him to go after Melinda. Honestly, he wouldn’t have been surprised if Daisy somehow knew that they were soulmates; she was so smart, so perceptive. She _had_ to be okay. 

Phil could hear Fitz and Simmons debating back in forth in hushed voices in front of him, but he wasn’t able to follow any of it. 

Eventually, he heard someone behind him hurrying down the stairs, and a moment later he found his hands being taken by a pair of very soft ones. 

“Phil, what happened?” 

These were the first words that Phil had fully registered since he had collapsed on the stairs, and they caused him to look up. 

Melinda was staring back at him, worry etched in her face. 

His soulmate had felt him break apart, and she’d come to help put him back together.


	8. Uncertainty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you all so much for your lovely comments on this. You guys are seriously the best, and you’ve made working on this fic such a joy. 
> 
> We’re getting close to the end now, just one last bit after this! There’s less direct Philinda conversation in this one, but I promise I’ll make up for it next time ;)
> 
> Enjoy!

“Phil, come on, what happened?” Melinda repeated when he didn’t respond immediately. 

“Daisy,” he choked out finally, not able to say any more than that. 

Jemma jumped in to explain the situation to Melinda: a truck had run into Daisy’s car on the highway a bit outside of town, and she’d been taken to a hospital half an hour away. Daisy’s grandmother had called Jemma to ask if she and Fitz could go to the hospital and stay with Daisy until her grandparents were able to make the six-hour drive down to the hospital. 

“But we don’t have a car,” Fitz cut in.

Jemma nodded, sniffling slightly. “We’re only still on campus because we were waiting to get the last shuttle to the airport, which doesn’t matter now, obviously, but all our friends are gone, and then we thought that since Professor Coulson’s Daisy’s advisor we could ask him.” 

Phil knew his students were looking at him, but he was having trouble breathing, much less doing anything else. 

Melinda was still crouched down beside him at the foot of the staircase, clearly trying to figure something out. She took a deep breath and nodded to herself decisively. “I’ll drive you. Give me a minute to grab my things.” 

“Oh, thank you, Professor May!” Jemma replied gratefully as Melinda stood up and hurried back to her office. 

As her footsteps died away, Phil looked up at his students finally, the pair standing close together looking very similar to how Phil felt. “Are you guys okay?” he said weakly. 

Jemma offered him a small smile, the tear tracks gone from her face, but her eyes still red. “I think we’re all in the same boat right now, Professor.” 

Phil nodded and stood up. “She’s going to be okay.” His words were just as much for himself as they were for the two seniors in front of him. 

“Are you all ready?” Melinda had returned with her bag and coat. The question was for the whole group, but Melinda’s eyes remained on Phil the longest. 

He nodded to her once, letting her know that he was okay (or as okay as he could be under the circumstances), and she nodded back understanding his unspoken words. 

The group left the building and walked quickly across the deserted campus to the parking garage, mercifully meeting no one. When they reached Melinda’s car, Jemma and Fitz tossed their suitcases in the trunk (since they would have to go to the airport to go home eventually) and got in the backseat, while Phil almost mechanically sat in the front.

None of them had ever been to the hospital where Daisy had been taken, so Melinda asked Phil to pull up the directions on his phone, which he did, though his mind was still racing and his thoughts were anywhere but on his task. 

They knew nothing about Daisy’s condition except that she’d been unconscious when she was admitted. She could be fine or Phil could lose his favorite student. There was a possible future in which he never heard a sarcastic comment from Daisy ever again, where she never made fun of him for his computer illiteracy ever again, where she was never able to present her senior project that she’d been working so hard on for months. He took a shuddering breath. 

Suddenly, he felt a calming presence in his mind, a reassurance that everything was going to be okay. It was quiet at first, but it grew little by little, and Phil felt himself calming down. Daisy was going to be okay. Daisy was going to be okay. 

It was Melinda, his soulmate, trying to help. 

Phil turned to her, surprised at her entrance into his mind but grateful for the intrusion. 

She was focused on the road, but she glanced briefly back at him, her eyes clearly asking if what she had done was okay. 

Phil reached out and took her hand, squeezing it gently, a silent thank you. 

A small smile appeared on Melinda’s lips as she squeezed it back and refocused on the road, her hand still in Phil’s.

There were college students in the backseat that didn’t need to know that Melinda was Phil’s soulmate, but he didn’t care. For the first time since he had heard about Daisy, Phil didn’t feel completely lost. He didn’t know if it was the reassuring presence in his mind or Melinda’s hand holding his like an anchor, but he knew now that he had the strength to get through this, as long as he had Melinda at his side. 

No one spoke much on the drive to the hospital. Phil gave directions to Melinda from time to time, and Jemma and Fitz whispered to each other occasionally, though Phil knew from his experience with them this semester that silent glances were nearly as good as words for the two of them, but mostly they all sat in silence, immersed in their own thoughts. 

When they finally made it to the hospital and hurried inside, Jemma took charge, quickly approaching the reception desk and speaking with several people in rushed, but even, medical terminology. Phil had to be impressed with his student. 

Jemma finally ended her conversation with a nod and turned around looking a little defeated but still optimistic. “Apparently she just went into surgery, but she’s stable. They said it might be a while before we know anything more.” 

Melinda nodded. “So we’ll wait.” 

“I should contact her grandparents though,” Jemma said pulling out her phone. “They’ll want to know what’s going on.”

Jemma stepped away into an empty corridor, Fitz following along, leaving Phil and Melinda to find seats in the waiting room. 

Phil sank down into a chair in the corner of the room, Melinda taking the seat beside him. She kept looking all around her, not seeming quite comfortable in the room. 

“Are you okay?” he asked her, concerned. 

She turned to him as though she’d forgotten he was there and offered him a small smile. “Just haven’t been to a hospital in a while, that’s all,” she said quietly as she finally settled into her chair. 

Phil knew immediately that “in a while” meant eight years, since the fire. 

He touched her arm for a moment, letting her know that he was there, but she stiffened immediately. 

Of course there was too much unspoken between them now for that to be okay. 

Phil sighed. One moment he had been leaving her office, despairing that his soulmate didn’t want him, and now barely an hour later they were together at a hospital, unsure if Phil’s favorite student was going to be okay. He didn’t even know where to start.

Phil heard Melinda suck in a breath beside him. 

Of course she wouldn’t be the biggest fan of hospitals after what she had gone through. He felt terrible for making her come here, even though she had volunteered herself. He really had no idea how she felt about any of this. She’d comforted him on the drive over but maybe she was just being kind. The last words she’d said before they’d found out about Daisy were her telling him to go away, and now they were stuck here together. Maybe they could talk, but that was up to Melinda. He didn’t want to push her anymore. 

“Daisy will be okay,” Melinda said after a moment, breaking the silence between them. 

Phil looked up, and Melinda offered him a small reassuring smile. 

Phil just nodded and stared back at the ground. 

Again there was silence, broken only by whispers from others in the waiting room and chatter from employees behind the reception desk. 

Melinda took a deep breath. “How long have you known?” she asked finally, her voice low.

Phil didn’t have to ask what she was talking about. 

He turned back to look at her. “After the fire,” he answered simply. 

Melinda seemed a little surprised by his answer. “You knew for a week and didn’t mention it?” 

Phil would have rolled his eyes if the situation hadn’t been so serious. “You know I don’t have to say _everything_ , right?” He looked down at his feet. “And I wanted to make sure you were okay before anything happened. I wasn’t going to spring something like that on you if you were still upset.” 

Melinda softened slightly at his words. “And what about everything you felt?” she said asked a moment, her words almost nervous. “Was that just since the fire too?” 

Phil looked back upat her. “No. That was from before.”

Melinda opened her mouth to respond, but she was interrupted by the return of Jemma and Fitz. 

“What’s up, guys?” Phil asked, though half of his attention was still focused on Melinda. 

“Daisy’s grandparents don’t feel safe driving in the dark, and after this I really don’t blame them,” Jemma said with a small smile. “They’re going to leave first thing tomorrow morning, and they asked if Fitz and I could stay and keep them updated if we hear anything.” 

Phil nodded at the sensible request.

“So you two don’t have to stay,” Jemma continued. “Fitz and I can get a ride to the airport from Daisy’s grandparents tomorrow; we’ll be fine here by ourselves.” 

“Of course not,” Phil replied immediately. “I need to know Daisy’s okay.” 

Melinda nodded her agreement. Regardless of how things stood between them, she was in this too, and Phil couldn’t say how grateful he was for it. 

Jemma and Fitz brightened visibly at the news that their companions would be staying, and they took seats for themselves in the corner along the other wall. 

“So we should think about getting something to eat,” Fitz said after a moment.

Jemma laughed and shook her head good-naturedly. “Always thinking about food, Fitz.”

“I could eat too,” Phil said, coming to Fitz’s defense. “How about Fitz and I find the cafeteria and bring some dinner back?” Phil was genuinely hungry, but mostly he wanted to give Melinda some space. He had just basically admitted that he loved her even before he’d known that she was his soulmate, and he had no idea how she was going to react to that. It was much better to delay the conversation for a while and give her some time to think. 

So Phil found himself following signs down to the hospital cafeteria with Fitz beside him. Phil liked Fitz a lot, but it was rare to see him away from Jemma. He didn’t seem quite like himself without her, which was an odd sort of thought to have. They were just so connected, never one without the other. 

He found himself wondering if Fitzsimmons were soulmates on top of being best friends. Daisy had never mentioned it, but as a professor it wasn’t really his business to know about the relationship status of any of his students. He kind of wanted to ask Fitz, but he didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. 

“Probably not what you thought you’d be doing tonight, right, professor?” Fitz joked as they finally emerged in gray cafeteria, a few groups of nurses and doctors eating at tables in one section, while visitors in smaller groups were dispersed throughout the room. 

“No, I don’t often frequent hospital cafeterias as a reward for completing exam grading,” Phil deadpanned. 

“You finished grading?” Fitz looked up at him eagerly. 

Phil rolled his eyes. “You got a hundred, Fitz. I’m sure you knew that already.”

Fitz grinned sheepishly and picked up a tray. “Still nice to hear for sure.”

Phil laughed and grabbed a tray himself.

Phil and Fitz settled on simplechips and sandwiches, Phil knowing Melinda’s preferences from months of lunches down by the pond.

The pair spent the walk back to the waiting room discussing ways to improve hospital food while Fitz stared longingly at his sandwich, unable to eat it while carrying his tray.

The returned to Melinda and Jemma conversing lightly about Jemma’s senior research. 

Phil and Fitz settled in and the group all began eating, conversation flowing more easily than he would have thought between all of them, despite the fact that Melinda barely knew Fitzsimmons and that they were scientists while he and Melinda were historians. 

It turned out that Jemma spent a lot of time in the lab with Bobbi while Fitz worked a lot with Mack, so their mutual friends were an easy common ground. Phil told a couple embarrassing stories about Mack’s first time meeting he and Elena, and Jemma offered some anecdotes about things Bobbi had done in the lab (Phil had always suspected his friend was a huge nerd, but Jemma confirmed it for him by mentioning that their lab rats were all named after obscure Star Wars characters). 

“Did Dr. Morse’s boyfriend _actually_ almost burn down the history building?” Jemma asked skeptically. 

Phil smiled to himself at the description of Hunter as “Dr. Morse’s boyfriend.” He had to try that out sometime. 

“Yeah he did,” Phil admitted. “He still feels really bad about it, but who doesn’t know not to put aluminum foil in a microwave?” 

“ _That’s_ what he did?” Fitz asked incredulously. “He has a PhD!”

“Just because someone has a PhD doesn’t mean they’re smart,” Melinda said with a teasing smile to Phil. 

“Hey!” 

Fitz and Jemma ended up talking about their families and their plans for the very last semester at Shield, and then the conversation turned to Daisy.

“We were on the same freshman hall,” Jemma explained when asked how she and Daisy had become friends. “She was just really herself, if that makes sense. She wandered into my room one day and just started talking. We’ve been friends ever since.” 

Melinda smiled slightly at Jemma’s story. “She practically followed me back to my office after my first class with her. She was making some really interesting points, but I was surprised to see anyone so excited after just the first day.” Melinda furrowed her brow, remembering. “And she kept looking at me like she was trying to figure something out, but she seemed really pleased with herself at the end of our conversation.” Melinda smiled slightly and looked over at Phil. “And then I remember she kicked your door and made a comment about how you’re never in your office.” 

Phil shook his head. “Daisy came to me at the end of the first week this semester and told me that she thought you and I would be friends, she must have been running friend compatibility simulations in her head. That girl needs to mind her own business.” 

Fitz and Jemma laughed, but Melinda dropped Phil’s gaze, looking almost lost in thought as she stared down at the floor. 

Conversation continued for a while, though Melinda was much less of an active participant, but eventually Jemma pulled out her computer to figure out flights home for her and Fitz the next day. 

As the younger pair huddled together over Jemma’s laptop, Phil glanced over at Melinda, but she still wouldn’t meet his eyes. 

All Phil could do was give her time, so he sighed and decided to get some work done, pulling out one of the last ungraded research papers from his bag.

Melinda started at Phil’s movement, but she shook herself from her thoughts and copied him a moment later, grabbing her own grading from her bag. 

Phil made little progress as he tried to read through papers, his attention constantly being captured by Fitzsimmons whispering to each other behind Jemma’s computer or Melinda concentrating on her work next to him. He wondered what she was thinking about, but he was almost afraid to know. 

At the very least, work allowed Phil to not focus on how afraid he was for Daisy, so that was something.

The hours ticked by, Jemma and Fitz each ducking away to call their parents to let them know when they would, hopefully, be arriving home the next day, while Phil and Melinda plugged away at the last work they had to do before winter break. 

Eventually, Fitz ended up falling asleep, his head resting on Jemma’s shoulder, eliciting a small smile from his friend.

On Phil’s other side, he noticed that Melinda seemed pretty tired herself. He’d suspected that Melinda hadn’t been getting enough sleep since the fire, and now it seemed like that lack of sleep was catching up with her. 

Phil nudged her shoulder and inclined his head at sleeping Fitz when she looked up at him. 

“You could take a nap too if you wanted,” Phil said softly. “You look exhausted.” 

Melinda rolled her eyes at him, and then almost immediately yawned. 

Phil stifled a laugh, but Melinda just turned back to her work, though Phil could see some amusement in her eyes. 

Not ten minutes later, however, Melinda had curled up slightly in her chair, the paper she had been reading still in her lap in a pretext of doing work. Her head came to rest on Phil’s shoulder, and slowly her breathing evened out. 

Phil sighed with something like contentment. He would certainly rather be curled up with Melinda in different circumstances, but this was more than enough for the time being. 

Phil kept reading through his own paper, but Melinda’s presence so close to him and so at peace was more than a little distracting. 

After Melinda had been sleeping for maybe fifteen minutes, Jemma’s voice interrupted any attempt Phil was making at getting work done.

“Professor May’s your soulmate, isn’t she?” Her words were quiet but clear. 

Phil looked up sharply at his student, his eyes going wide. He hadn’t actually said the words out loud to anyone, and he was sure that Melinda wasn’t really ready for people to know now. But he couldn’t deny it either. 

“Why do you say that?” he finally said diplomatically.

Jemma offered him a smile that was almost patronizing. “Back on campus, she came running down to make sure you were okay before she could have ever known anything was wrong.” 

Phil shook his head slightly at the attentiveness of his student, even when she was so worried about Daisy. “You’re very smart, Jemma,” Phil replied with a smile of his own. “And on that subject, you got a one hundred percent on your final exam.” 

Jemma grinned wider at the news and then laughed at herself. “It’s silly to think that things like exam grades still matter when we’re here like this.” 

Phil laughed himself. “Yeah, it does feel weird. But Fitz was excited when I told him too,” he added with a small smile.

Jemma smiled affectionately at the sleeping figure next to her. 

“You and Fitz are soulmates, too, right?” Phil asked hesitantly. 

Jemma blushed as she looked up at Phil. “Yeah. We are.” 

She seemed so happy to have her soulmate with her, to know that he was her soulmate and that they were supposed to be together. They were Fitzsimmons; they made more sense together than they did when they were apart.

It was exactly what Phil had always wanted for himself. 

“What’s it like?” Phil asked almost shyly.

Jemma glanced over at her sleeping soulmate and smiled. “I can’t imagine my life without him.” 

Phil looked over at Melinda and nodded. That’s _exactly_ what it was. 

Phil turned back to his paper, but he had barely read two sentences before a doctor walked out and made a beeline for them. 

Phil quickly nudged Melinda awake as Jemma did the same for Fitz. 

“You’re here for Daisy Johnson, correct?” the doctor asked them, his voice not giving anything away. 

The group nodded and stared up at him. 

The man offered them a small smile. “She’s going to be just fine.” 

Phil let out a breath and closed his eyes, incredibly relieved, as a smile spread across his face. 

When he opened his eyes he saw Fitz grinning widely and hugging Jemma, who had obviously teared up and was pressing her face into Fitz’s neck. On Phil’s other side, Melinda let out a sigh of relief and smiled over at him. 

Phil nodded back at her. She was okay. Daisy was okay. 

The doctor continued to explain what had happened and what they had done, with Jemma asking questions and Melinda and Fitz nodding along, but Phil had stopped really listening after hearing that Daisy was fine. It was okay. This wasn’t a loss he was going to have to go through today. 

“She’s still asleep,” Phil heard the doctor say, “but you can come back and see her.” 

The entire group stood up immediately at that news, packing up their things and following the doctor through a set of double doors.

A nurse directed them to Daisy’s room, and after following arrows up and down a few hallways, they finally found her. 

She had a cast on one arm, an IV poking out of the other, and there were bandages covering part of her head and a line of stitches across her cheek. Phil knew that there had been some amount of internal bleeding, necessitating her lengthy surgery, but she seemed peaceful in sleep. She still looked like herself, even all bandaged up, and Phil was grateful for that. 

Fitz, Phil, and Melinda gathered four chairs together between Daisy’s bed and the wall, while Jemma left the room to call Daisy’s grandparents with the news. 

Fitz seemed ready to fall back asleep any second,and when Jemma returned to the room, she seemed suddenly exhausted, as though she’d been only holding it together until she was sure that Daisy was okay (which, knowing Jemma, she probably had been). 

“I think we should all try to get some sleep,” Phil suggested. “Or as much as we can in a hospital room.” 

Jemma and Fitz grinned appreciatively and were cuddled up together in adjacent chairs almost immediately. 

Phil and Melinda took the two remaining chairs, and almost immediately Melinda rested her head against Phil’s shoulder. Phil wasn’t sure if she was just tired or relieved or if there was something more to this, but he was pretty exhausted himself, so he leaned his head against hers.

But before he drifted off, he felt Melinda take his hand, and there was a warmth in his mind, simultaneously familiar and unfamiliar, that made him relax almost instantly. 

Melinda. His soulmate… Melinda.

Daisy hadn’t woken up yet, and there was still so much unspoken between he and Melinda, but right at that moment, Phil felt like maybe everything could be okay.


	9. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it! I truly can’t thank you all enough for the encouragement and appreciation I’ve received for this story. This has absolutely been the best response I’ve ever gotten to a fic, and I’m just so thrilled and so grateful that all you guys have been so into this for the past few weeks. Every comment, every like: it’s all just really meant so much to me throughout all of this.
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading, and I really hope you like this last chapter :)
> 
> Enjoy!

“What the hell?” 

A groggy voice woke Phil. He lifted his head slowly, barely conscious of a weight pressed against his shoulder, and rubbed his eyes. 

“Okay seriously… what the hell?” 

Phil looked up to see Daisy lying on her hospital bed, seeming completely disoriented, her eyes barely open as she stared at Phil. 

“Daisy! You’re awake!” A wide smile spread across Phil’s face. 

The weight against him moved at his words, and in a moment, Melinda was blinking up at Phil.

She turned, following Phil’s gaze, and a smile, soft but brilliant, spread across her features at the sight of their student, finally awake. “It’s good to see you, Daisy.” 

“Daisy!” 

“You’re up!” 

Phil’s exclamation had also apparently woken the two young scientists next to them. 

“Yeah… Hi guys,” Daisy replied, a little more awake now, but still seeming confused. 

Phil felt a wave of relief wash over him as he looked at his advisee, his soulmate’s relief adding to his own in his mind. He flashed a quick smile to Melinda, which she returned, both of them just grateful that Daisy was okay. 

“But you’re all… here?” Daisy started again, trying to sit up, but she stopped immediately. “Ow, my head…” 

Before anyone could begin to explain anything to Daisy, a nurse entered the room and asked if they could step out while she took care of some things for a Daisy and a few doctors came by to see her. 

Jemma quickly elected to stay with Daisy to hear what the nurse and doctors had to say, but the rest of them stood up and moved to the hallway. 

Phil stretched as he walked around for the first time in five or six hours. “That chair was _not_ good for my back.” He twisted around, and his back cracked sharply. “Well  _that_ didn’t sound good. They should really think about getting more comfortable seating.” 

Melinda rolled her eyes. “Sorry you had to go through such a hardship, Phil,” she deadpanned. “Should we admit you? I wonder if there’s a wing for people whose backs hurt a little bit from waiting for their friend to wake up after a _car accident_.” 

“Don’t tell me you feel fine after that?” Phil asked Melinda indignantly. 

Melinda shrugged. “I’m younger than you. You must be getting old, Phil.” 

Phil elbowed her playfully in retaliation as Fitz laughed. 

“Poor Daisy, though,” Fitz said seriously after a moment. “She seems really out of it, and I’m sure she can’t have expected to wake up in a hospital bed with two of her professors sitting next to her.”

Phil nodded. “Who knows if she’ll even remember any of this afterward. I’m sure she’s on tons of pain meds.” 

The three of them stood in the hallway for a while, watching doctors and nurses walk in and out of rooms scribbling on charts. It was still sinking in that Daisy was okay, and Phil and his companions were content to just focus on that for a moment. Plus they were all pretty tired from the events of the previous day; despite Melinda’s jokes to the contrary, no one had slept particularly well in Daisy’s hospital room. 

Phil stifled a yawn. 

“We should go find you some coffee,” Melinda said with a small smile that was almost affectionate. 

Phil smiled back. “There’s a little café in the cafeteria… if we can figure out how to get there. Fitz, do you have any idea where it is?” 

Fitz nodded immediately. “Yeah, I saw a sign by a stairwell on our way here last night.” 

With Fitz leading the way, the group headed down to the cafe, so Phil could get himself a cup of coffee and Melinda and Fitz could find some tea. On Fitz’s suggestion, Phil also bought muffins for everyone. 

“We have to keep our strength up,” Fitz had said, already peeling the wrapper off his baked good. 

Phil had rolled his eyes, but he had to admit, a nice, warm muffin with his cup of coffee was exactly what he needed after last night. 

Awake and refreshed, Phil’s eyes fell on Melinda next to him at their little table in the cafeteria, eating her chocolate chip muffin with a quiet happiness that Phil had come to know and appreciate over the last few months. This was Melinda at peace, not pensive or sad or worried or guarded; it was just _her_. With their frenzied end of the semester responsibilities, not to mention the fire and all the insanity of the last roughly 15 hours, it had been a while since Phil had seen Melinda like this. 

He loved her. 

The feeling came to him unexpectedly. Just a mundane little moment after hours of worry and exhaustion, but he loved her. He loved seeing her happy, calm, okay. He didn’t quite know how _not_ to love her in a little moment like that. 

Melinda stiffened under his gaze, and he realized that she had felt how much he loved her for the first time since he had let her know how he felt in her office the previous day, what felt like a lifetime ago. 

Phil opened his mouth to say something, but he didn’t know what. 

Melinda looked up then, her eyes indiscernible to him in a way that they hadn’t been since before they had become friends. 

Phil stared back. 

Fitz coughed uncomfortably from Phil’s other side, breaking Phil and Melinda’s gaze. 

“Uh, I think I’ll go give Jemma her tea,” Fitz said, standing up awkwardly. 

“We should all head back,” Melinda interrupted immediately before Phil could even think about suggesting otherwise. “Hopefully they’ll let us see Daisy.” 

Fitz glanced quickly back and forth between Phil and Melinda, but then nodded and started to walk away as though trying to put as much distance as he could between himself and the two professors. 

Phil tried to catch Melinda’s eye as they made their way up a stairwell and down a few corridors back towards Daisy’s room, but she seemed to be purposefully avoiding his gaze. 

Phil sighed to himself. Every time he pushed a little bit too far, she’d close up, just like she always had when talking about something she didn’t want to deal with. It was why for months she hadn’t told him about the fire or anything in her life from before the fire; she just didn’t want to face it. Phil had always respected her privacy, but this was so much harder. He knew she needed time, but he couldn’t make himself stop loving her; he was too far gone. 

And he didn’t even know what she thought about any of it. Phil had shown Melinda that he loved her, but that was no guarantee that she felt the same. They really needed to talk, but since Melinda had very clearly tried to avoid being left alone with Phil, it seemed that she didn’t want to have that conversation yet, if she wanted to have it at all.

They made it back just as the nurse they had seen earlier was leaving Daisy’s room. 

“You all can go back in now,” she said kindly. “Just don’t overdo anything; your friend’s been through a lot.”

The group nodded quickly and entered the room to see Daisy propped up on several pillows, looking much more comfortable and awake than she had earlier. Jemma was in a chair next to her seeming very calm and unperturbed. Phil felt the last bit of worry in his mind drift away at that. If Jemma wasn’t worried about Daisy’s condition, then his advisee was definitely going to be okay. 

“How are you feeling?” Phil asked Daisy as they all sat down and Fitz gave Jemma the cup of tea and muffin he’d brought back for her. 

“Like I got hit by a truck,” Daisy replied, her lips twitching. 

“Very funny,” Phil replied, rolling his eyes. “I don’t have to be here, you know. I don’t need your sarcasm.”

Daisy laughed weakly but then sobered. “So wait, Jemma never said, why _are_ you guys all here? I mean one second there’s a truck veering into my lane on the highway, and then next I wake up to my best friends and two of my professors in my hospital room.” 

“After your grandparents found out about the accident, your grandmother called me to see if Fitz and I could come stay with you,” Jemma explained quickly. “But everyone had already gone home, and we needed a car, so we went to find Professor Coulson, but he...” 

“I think one might say I had a bit of a meltdown,” Phil filled in with a good-natured smile. 

Fitz snorted. 

“It was only natural given the situation,” Jemma covered for Phil quickly, but he just laughed. 

“Just keep my reaction in mind the next time you need help in a crisis,” Phil joked with a smile to Jemma. 

“Well hopefully we’ll be able to avoid all manner of crises in the future. And you were fine after Professor May showed up, so I suppose we can rely on that,” Jemma said brightly with almost a smirk at Phil as she turned back to Daisy.

Phil looked at the ground, his face turning red at Jemma’s comment. Beside him, Melinda appeared to be similarly avoiding Daisy's eye.

“So while we were talking to Professor Coulson,” Jemma continued to Daisy, “Professor May came down and offered to drive us, so here we are. Fitz and I told them they could go after we got here, but they both insisted on staying.”

“So you guys have just been hanging out for hours?” Daisy asked, almost entertained by the idea (or maybe it was just the pain meds). 

Jemma and Fitz nodded, both seeming genuinely happy with the situation (though maybe Jemma more so than Fitz, Phil assumed due to the awkward moment between Phil and Melinda that Fitz had been forced to witness in the cafeteria). 

“Yeah, I’ve got a couple new favorite students now,” Phil added. “Sorry, Daisy.” 

Melinda rolled her eyes. “Don’t listen to a word he says, Daisy. He’s been a nervous wreck about you all night.” 

Daisy grinned and shot Phil a smug sideways glance. 

Phil knew Daisy had had suspicions about he and Melinda for the last month at least, and now that she was on a bunch of pain meds, Phil was more than a little worried about what was going to come out of his advisee’s mouth in response to what Jemma had implied and to Melinda teasing Phil. 

But, maybe because she was so exhausted, Daisy didn’t say anything, and instead the group just sat together and talked lightly about winter break plans and new movies that were coming out, while Daisy drifted in and out of the conversation. 

An hour or two later, the door to Daisy’s room opened, revealing a man and a woman probably in their early seventies. 

“Oh Daisy,” cried the woman, rushing to the foot of Daisy’s bed.

Phil, Melinda, Jemma, and Fitz stood up immediately and moved back to let Daisy’s grandparents get closer to their granddaughter. 

Daisy smiled tiredly up at them. “Hey Grandma, Hey Grandpa. Sorry I didn’t make it home yesterday.” 

“Oh sweetheart, I’m just so glad you’re okay,” Daisy’s grandmother sighed, wiping away tears. 

Daisy’s grandfather stroked Daisy’s arm gently but didn’t say anything, tears of his own dripping down his cheeks. 

Eventually, Daisy’s grandmother turned around to acknowledge the rest of the people in the room. 

“Oh Jemma, dear, and Fitz, thank you both so much for coming to be with her,” Daisy’s grandmother said gratefully. 

“Of course, Mrs. Johnson,” Jemma replied immediately. “We’d… we’d do anything for Daisy.” 

Then the older woman turned to Phil and held out her hand. “And you must be Professor Coulson. Our Daisy has told us so much about you. I’m Linda, and this is John.” 

Phil shook her hand. “Call me Phil, please. It’s so good to meet you. Daisy’s… Daisy’s one of the best students I’ve ever had the privilege of teaching.” 

“Aww,” came Daisy’s reply from behind her grandmother. 

Phil shot his advisee a pointed look and shook his head teasingly as Linda introduced herself to Melinda, thanking her profusely for driving everyone to see Daisy and telling her how much Daisy had talked about her class over the semester. 

“All four of you are just so wonderful for staying with her like this,” Linda said finally, her voice overflowing with gratitude as John nodded along behind her. 

Phil smiled and quickly exchanged glances with Melinda, Fitz, and Jemma. With six visitors, Daisy’s room had gotten very crowded, and now that Daisy’s grandparents were there to stay with her, it was time for the rest of them to go home (or, in Fitzsimmons’ case, go to the airport and then home). 

“Well, we should probably head out then,” Jemma said after a moment. “Fitz and I have a flight home this afternoon.” 

Daisy’s grandparents stepped back, and Fitz and Jemma went over to say goodbye, promising to stay in touch with their friend over break to make sure she was doing okay and that she wasn’t too bored hanging around while she recovered from her accident. 

Melinda came over after them with a small smile for her student. “I’ll come by and visit in a couple days before you go home,” she promised. “And I loved your final paper, by the way. I graded it yesterday.” 

“Are you just saying that because I’m injured?” Daisy joked. 

Melinda laughed and shook her head. “No, It’s honestly the best one I’ve read so far. But what else would I expect from you.” 

Daisy beamed at her, and then Melinda moved back beside Fitz and Jemma to give Phil some space to talk to his advisee. 

Phil had been teasing and joking with Daisy all day, but he decided he had to be serious for just a moment. “You know, you really scared me to death, Daisy.” 

Daisy smiled sadly at him. “Sorry, Coulson. I’ll try not to do it again.” 

Phil grinned back. “You better not.”

Daisy looked around for a moment as though trying to make sure no one was listening, and then she flashed him a knowing smirk. “So what about you and Professor May then, huh?”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Get some sleep Daisy.”

“Jemma and Fitz know; I’ll get them to tell me.” 

“Bye Daisy.” 

Phil shook his head and turned away from his advisee. Daisy might have thought that she knew exactly what was going on with he and Melinda, but Phil didn’t even know the answer to that question himself. 

The group finally made their way back down the halls they’d wandered through the night before, past the waiting room where they’d spent so many nervous hours, and then finally out the front doors. 

Everyone seemed lighter as they finally set foot outside the hospital. It was just nice to see the sun and feel the fresh air, even if it was still a cold December day. 

Somewhere in Phil’s mind, he felt an intense sense of relief, and after a moment he realized that it was coming from Melinda. She hadn’t shown many signs of being uncomfortable inside the hospital, but Phil knew that hospitals for Melinda were mixed up with all of the horrible memories of everything that had happened to her in China, so it made sense that she was happy to leave. 

Phil squeezed her arm gently and offered her a small smile. 

Melinda stared back at him wide-eyed, realizing what she had just done. She had let him feel an emotion that was entirely hers, rather than comfort or reassurance or something she had purposefully decided to send him. Immediately the relief disappeared from his mind, and Melinda hurried ahead of him to unlock the car. 

Phil sighed. One step forward, two steps back. 

Melinda didn’t look at him as he got in the car, but the two college students in the back were already trying to figure out the plan for the next hour or two. It was quickly decided that food of some kind was in order before the students had to head to the airport, so they found a small diner just down the street from the hospital to grab a quick bite to eat. 

Melinda sat beside Phil in the booth at the diner, and she smiled a little at his jokes and teased him when he started complaining that his neck still felt weird from sleeping at the hospital, but there was also a distance between them that Phil wasn’t sure how to bridge. There were walls up around her heart and her mind that Phil had been trying to climb over, but now she was just pushing him away. He didn’t know what to do. 

So, for the time being, he just let himself be carried by the excitement of Fitz and Jemma, happy their friend was okay, happy they were heading home for break… happy they were together. 

Phil couldn’t help wishing that Melinda would feel the same way about him. 

An hour later, Melinda pulled her car up in front of the entrance to the airport in between shuttle buses. 

After they grabbed their bags from the trunk, Fitz and Jemma turned to Phil and Melinda. 

“So this is it then,” Fitz said briefly with a small smile. 

“We really can’t thank you enough for everything,” Jemma added sincerely. “I don’t know what we would have done without you both.”

“You would have been just fine without me,” Phil replied with a small smile as he hugged Jemma goodbye. “I’m not very good in a crisis, remember?” 

Jemma shook her head but laughed anyway. 

Phil moved on to Fitz, shaking his hand and clapping him on the back. He was a good kid. They both were. 

He turned back to Melinda, and, to his surprise, he found her hugging Jemma tightly, a bright smile on her face as she said something that made Jemma laugh. She hugged Fitz too, and Phil felt even more confused. He and Melinda had been friends for months and he’d only ever hugged her once, by the pond after the fire, but here she was embracing these two kids she had only really known for a day. 

As Phil stepped back and watched his soulmate talk briefly with the two college students, he felt almost like these two (plus Daisy) had become their children. He suddenly had a brief mental image of he and Melinda with actual children of their own, but he quickly stopped himself. That was _beyond_ wishful thinking. 

With a final wave goodbye, the two students disappeared through glass doors into the airport, and Phil and Melinda got back in her car. 

This was the first time they’d been alone together since they had first arrived at the hospital the previous evening. Phil knew they needed to talk, but he just wasn’t sure how to begin. A tension hung between them, growing more intense by the minute now that Fitz and Jemma weren’t around to serve as a buffer. 

Phil knew that Melinda was probably still uncomfortable with the whole soulmate thing, after all she had found out about it less than 24 hours ago and all of the intervening hours had been spent with Phil. She might have had enough time to think about it, but he didn’t want to force her into a conversation she wasn’t ready to have. Being trapped together in a car half an hour from campus definitely wasn’t a good place to do this. 

So instead, Phil commented on how nice Fitz and Jemma had been as hospital companions, and that sort of mundane, easy, usual chatter got them mercifully back into town and back to campus without any weirdness.

“How is it only Saturday?” Phil said, shaking his head, as Melinda pulled into the parking garage. “I feel like we’ve been gone for weeks, and it hasn’t even been a day.”

“And we still have grading to finish before break actually starts,” Melinda reminded him with a smirk. 

Phil groaned. 

Melinda parked her car next to his and got out as Phil got his bag. 

“So this is it,” Melinda said after a moment, echoing Fitz from outside the airport.

Phil took a deep breath. He didn’t know if he was going to see Melinda at all over the next few weeks, and he couldn’t stand not knowing how things stood between them. If Melinda wasn’t ready for this, he could wait. But he had to at least try. 

“So it’s weird that the first people to know that we’re soulmates are three kids,” Phil said finally, figuring this was as casual and easy an opening as he could ever offer. 

Melinda looked shocked. “You told them?" 

Phil rolled his eyes. “Melinda, come on, you know I didn’t. But Jemma figured it out the second you came down to make sure I was okay, and if Fitz didn’t know at the hospital I guarantee he’s found out by now. And Daisy knows everything, remember? She’s the one who thought we should be friends before we’d really even talked, and about a month ago she told me that I was “happier” around you. I’m sure she’s known _way_ longer than I have.” 

Melinda looked away but didn’t say anything. 

“But thank you for doing all that,” Phil said after a moment. “For driving. For staying. For… everything. You didn’t have to.” 

“Yeah, I did.” Melinda still didn’t meet his eyes. 

“See, this is why it’s nice to have a soulmate,” Phil pressed gently. “I couldn’t have gotten through this without you; I don’t know what I would have done.” He paused for a moment. “I just wish you’d let me help you too.” 

“Trying to help someone stop worrying about something like this is nothing compared to what you would have had to go through eight years ago if I had let you feel everything back then, Phil,” Melinda replied bitterly. “That was too much for anyone, especially someone as good and kind as you are.” Her voice broke as she stared at the ground. “And besides, a student _died_ because of me; I didn’t deserve a soulmate trying to make me feel better about it.” She took a deep breath. “I still don’t.” 

Phil stared at her. “Melinda, I don’t know what I can say to help you understand that this wasn’t your fault. I know it’s going to take time to make peace with this, but, Melinda, I don’t care if you don’t think you deserve this. Because it’s _my_ choice. I would help you through this and through a thousand tragedies because you are _everything_ to me, Melinda.” 

Melinda looked up at him, her face guarded and her eyes almost sad. “Phil, I don’t want you to care about me just because I’m your soulmate.” 

Phil shook his head. “I already told you that this wasn’t just because you’re my soulmate. My entire life I’ve been searching for someone to share everything with, and suddenly there you were. I wanted to be friends with you right from the start. Part of it was research, but there was something else, and it didn’t take me long to realize that you were that person I had been looking for for so long.” 

“Phil, stop, please, I can’t do this, not to you or to me… it’s just not… I… I can’t.” 

“Just let me say this, Melinda,” Phil pleaded, and, finally, Melinda nodded. 

Phil took a deep breath and continued. “Over the last two and a half months, I fell in love with you every day. I fell in love with your teaching and with your smiles and your laugh and how you tease me all the time, and how much you care even when you pretend you don’t. I fell in love with you for making me coffee when I was running late and for letting me talk and talk when I needed to figure something out. And then suddenly I found out we were soulmates, and it was like everything suddenly made sense. I know this is new, and I know this is different, but you’re still my best friend, Melinda, and I would do anything if you would let me be a bigger part of your life.”

Neither of them spoke for a moment. 

Phil had a sudden, panicked thought. “You don’t feel the same, do you?” he asked weakly, hanging his head in defeat. “That’s it then. I’m so sorry, Melinda, I didn’t even stop to think. You don’t have to care about me, I’m-” 

Phil stopped as a force entered his mind so suddenly and so strongly that he could barely catch his breath, reminding him vividly of the fear that had swept through him the night of the fire. But this time it wasn’t fear coming from his soulmate. 

It was love. 

It was friendship and gratitude and affection and happiness and hurt and bits of worry and uncertainty and a feeling of not being good enough, of not deserving to be happy, but over all of that was love. A love for Phil that was stronger than any doubts she had, stronger than any fear she felt. Melinda loved him, just as he loved her. 

“Melinda,” Phil breathed, staring at his soulmate, awed by her emotions, by her love, not knowing quite how to say anything else. 

Melinda stared back at him. “It was _never_ because I didn’t feel the same,” she said simply in that same even tone that Melinda used for everything. But in her eyes was a spark, an excitement that Phil knew well. It meant she cared. It meant she was happy. 

“I love you, Melinda,” Phil said, taking a step toward her. 

Melinda took a deep breath, and then closed the distance between the two of them. 

“I love you too, Phil.” 

Phil broke into a brilliant smile and pulled her toward him, letting down all his defenses as he wrapped her in his arms and finally pressed his lips to hers. 

The kiss wasn’t perfect (their dental hygiene in the last 24 hours was questionable, and they both tasted like diner mints), but it didn’t matter. Their emotions were finally, for the first time in their lives, perfectly in sync with one another. Phil could feel Melinda in his arms and in his mind, the love and care he felt for her perfectly echoed in Melinda’s feelings. She was so happy to be there with him, and he was so happy to be with her. Everything was Melinda, and Phil couldn’t get enough of it. The kiss was open and honest and pure and, despite it’s imperfections, Phil would have to say it was very much perfect. Perfect for them. 

Phil knew that there were still conversations to be had and doubts to overcome, but just as he had felt all those months ago when Melinda first came into his life, they belonged together, and they could get through anything as long as they had each other.

Phil had found his soulmate. 

And it was Melinda. So it was everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hit me up on tumblr @parksanddownton603 if you want to talk Philinda or anything at all! 
> 
> I’ve also been thinking about maybe doing a little fluffy future one-shot with these guys, just because I’ve really loved working in this universe, so hopefully stay tuned for that :) 
> 
> Thank you all so so much for reading!!!!


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